TRIGGER WARNING: ABUSE
I want to show you something from Tumblr.
I read a post that says:
//Talking about abuse and trauma isn’t just “whining”. Talking about it, uncovering it and outing abusers should contribute to stopping and ending abuse. Every time you say out loud what abusers have done to you, not only there will be people who will relate and gain courage to out their abusers too, but more and more people will become aware of how common and destructive abuse is, and I believe those who have been affected the most will join and fight it. I want everyone to talk about abuse, whenever they can be heard, so everyone knows just what it is, how many people are affected, how destructive the consequences are, how cruel and monstrous the abusers are, and what to do to stop them. Talking about abuse, in long term, will end abuse. //
"Talking about abuse, in long term, will end abuse."
YES. THIS.
I would like to add:
The man who was my father emotionally abused me every day of my life until I moved out of his house. He physically abused me frequently, shaking me, poking me, he even choked me. He made me feel terrified of him, he made me feel unloved by him, he made me feel worthless and unworthy. My mother enabled and protected him, and would make *me* apologize to *him* when he hurt me. By the time I was a teenager, I actually looked forward to his disinterest and neglect, because when he *did* pay attention to me, it was to mock me, humiliate me, put me down, minimize the things I cared about ... he was just such an abusive jerk. People tell me he was kind and charming at work, and as far as I know, he was loving and supportive of my siblings. He just made a choice, for reasons I will never understand, to treat me, his first-born son and namesake, with cruelty, contempt, and disinterest.
I kept it secret until I was 47, because I was embarrassed and ashamed. I *fully* believed that I deserved it, and instead of standing up for myself, I spent my ENTIRE life trying to solve the puzzle that would unlock the kind, compassionate, loving father I wanted.
But I was also protecting him, without realizing it, because that is what I learned from my mother. I protected the man who bullied, humiliated, and hurt me, until I was 47 years-old and approached them both to talk about it. He didn’t care, she gaslighted me. I don’t know what else I should have expected. I ended contact, and my life is better because I did (which is SUPER sad, but it's my reality).
I’m both sad and grateful that they showed me who they were, then, because it confirmed the fear and suspicion I'd been considering since I was probably around 15 or 16: they were *exactly* who I had known they were for as long as I could remember, even though I’d spent my life trying not to accept that painful reality.
I speak up about being an abuse survivor now because there is SO MUCH shame and fear just boiling around in people like me, because we were trained (I do not believed ‘brainwashed’ is too far) by our abusers and their enablers to feel that way. When we are silent, even if we have escaped them and survived their cruelty and abuse, we enable and protect them. We encourage other abusers to continue their abuse. We allow other people who are JUST LIKE US to feel afraid, alone, and ashamed.
Your journey is yours, alone, and I am not here to pressure you to do something you aren't ready for, but I *am* here to tell you that, when you are, you will not be alone.
I.
Am.
Not.
Ashamed.
I am pissed off, and I will stand up not just for myself, but for every child or adult child who has endured *any* kind of abuse. No child deserves to be treated the way I was treated, especially by their father or mother.
I see you. I love you. I’m so sorry that I know what you’re going through, and I hope hearing my story of survival and recovery can inspire anyone reading this, who is still as scared and ashamed as I was, just 18 months ago.
