Today, I have my first audition in ... a year? 18 months? Something like that. It's in 2 hours, and I've been preparing the scenes all day. It's been super fun to break the sides down, try out different intentions and doable actions, and despite my best efforts, now I kind of want to do this role, because I think it would be fun. I won't book it (I never do), but I'm surprisingly excited just to go into the room, flex my actor muscles for a minute or so, and then come home and get back to my regular life.
I usually go into a room with my scenes prepared, my take on the character, and the professionalism you'd expect from a 40-year veteran actor (holy shit that's a long time). I have to emotionally separate myself from the outcome, because that kind of thinking gets in the way of my ability to perform, and interpret material.
But I'm not gonna lie: I'd love to work on this movie. The script is adorable and sweet and a lot of fun. It's a movie for young people, and can I just tell you how strange it feels to know that I'm going in for a role of a teacher/mentor/cool adult in a project that's really about the kids this character takes care of.
Maybe this will be the first time in over 15 years that I book a job from an audition. The timing is about right, in terms of swings of the bat and actually getting on base. Most actors have between 20 and 30 auditions for each job they book. I average about 4 auditions a year, which affords me lots of time to write and live my life, but makes it VERY unlikely that I'll be cast in anything. Everything you've seen me in since Criminal Minds has been something that I was offered, or asked to do. So in about 15 years, I've had about 60 auditions and booked zero of them. I am *way* due to get a hit.
And I have to go into [major studio] today, and forget all of that. I have to forget how fun it would be to play this character and how much I'd love to be part of something that's fun and positive and inspiring to kids, and I have to just do my best job interpreting the material, and bringing it to life.
If I'm lucky, what I do will be what they want. But if I'm not the person they want for this role, it's not going to wreck my day the way it has 60 times over the last decade and a half, because I've done a lot of emotional heavy lifting and a lot of vital psychological work to separate my self-esteem and my personal sense of worth, from my success or failure in auditions.
