wildseven

Short and sweet this time. Sarcastic of course. Downward spiral after the last blog is worse than i thought it would be. I've tried my hand at drawing, poetry and writing and it's all terrible. Hands won't do what my brain wants. I feel like i've been punched in the gut over and over and i've lost my appetite. One meal a day is all i can muster. My stomach is crunching up with nerves the whole time and my head is swimming. Need to sleep but i can't. Haven't done my Christmas shopping. Can't finish my letters. I've learned three verses of The Raven. Haven't watched a film in almost a month. No new music. Can't stand old music. No romantic/sexual prospects. Everyone talks about stories: that time with your woman, or i had this fuck buddy one time, but i've got none of them. None of them and never will. Both my parents disagree with my course of action with college, so i've to try and explain it to them. Turns out one of the boys i knew who died in the last few months may have killed himself. Maybe he looked at life the way it's starting to look right now. Bleak, lonely, miserable... Happiness doesn't always last, but a taste of it every now and then wouldn't go amiss. The seeds of doubt grow extensive roots. Now i've to try and write again. Write letters that are gonna be stupid anyway. Try and fill a never-ending void.

Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!, I shrieked, upstarting
Get thee back into the tempest, and the night's Plutonian shore,
Leave no black plume as a token, of the lie thy soul hath spoken,
Leave my loneliness unbroken -quit the bust above my door.
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door
Quoth the raven, Nevermore

Same cycle over and over in my head. Loneliness, elation. Hope, despair. It all comes to the same conclusion. There is nothing. Has to end sometime.