so much has happened in my strange and wonderful gonzo lifestyle of late. i don't have cancer. the mutants lost. the girl is confused. should i just accept my fate (duty?) and date women over 30? what is the state of the world when i can't have an intelligent conversation with a girl my age? is it me? them? nothing at all? i'll drift towards...
Read More
Read More
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
ugh!!!
i am teh ill. flu hardcore. will take day off tomorrow. will drive to tallahassee tomorrow. hopefully, medication makes me stupid and numb to make it far. argh. the pain. bleh. ick. *sniff*
i am teh ill. flu hardcore. will take day off tomorrow. will drive to tallahassee tomorrow. hopefully, medication makes me stupid and numb to make it far. argh. the pain. bleh. ick. *sniff*
_bossanova_:
Dammit. I hope you're well now! Did you at least have a good holiday?
I hope you're well now! Did you at least have a good holiday?
frustrated. i wish she would see the good in me.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
_bossanova_:
There's so much-how does she NOT see it?!
Congrats on the park citation being dropped!
Congrats on the park citation being dropped!
nimhly:
I believe he's riding a twinkie on wheels.
perhaps it's fair to see this weekend has been complete insanity.
chimericalme:
Unless a tiger, a parrot or a brick was involved, I can't possibly fathom anything more insane.
compassion. embraced the robots.
where to next?
where to next?
_bossanova_:
Did you embrace any robots last weekend? Did I miss anything?
It was good to see you, but you didn't stick around long enough. Azul is for nights when there aren't fabulous parties going on, okay?
It was good to see you, but you didn't stick around long enough. Azul is for nights when there aren't fabulous parties going on, okay?
something is breaking loose. lost archetypes and visions of the past, future. in the paradox of embrace, i find some form of solace. he's the poet that could have been. to slowly discover a person as their whole, is a wonderful thing. i sat there and listened, tried to understand his dream. what isn't said is the loudest thing heard often. through the sentences, history...
Read More
Read More
_bossanova_:
How late do you stay up these days?
It was great to see you Friday.
I love biographies, especially presidential ones. They're strangely satisfying to read. Hope you find something good!
It was great to see you Friday.
I love biographies, especially presidential ones. They're strangely satisfying to read. Hope you find something good!
boychucker:
still coming tomorrow night right?
bring friends.
bring friends.
it's the kind of depression that comes on slow and mean. it took a whole month to grow. its roots spreading out of my mind and into my heart, lungs, and back. slowly choking me.
lying below all the external crap in my life of being ignored, alone, and completely unable to live life the way i see fit by having to come into work...
Read More
lying below all the external crap in my life of being ignored, alone, and completely unable to live life the way i see fit by having to come into work...
Read More
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
katfireblade:
Moods like that have finally pushed me into extreme decisions I never thought I'd make. When it comes down to "change or die," I suppose I chose change, though dying would be easier.
There's so much I want to say to all of this, but I feel as if every answer I could give wouldnt be enough. No one can take away this pain. I suppose the only wisdom I have is--if it hurts, change it. Find a new job, move away, take a vacation, do something radical, make a shift. Only the living feel pain, a void is only numbness, emptiness, and pain is the body's way of saying something is terribly, terribly broken and needs reshaped. Even emotional pain. And though you might not see the broken glass strewn on your path, though you might think the pain you feel is your fault because you cant see it even when you step on it, thats not the case. Dont blame yourself for the sins of the world.
Entropy wears away everything eventually. Even pain. Even regret. Even sorrow. Sometimes your worst enemy can also be your best friend.
This probably hasnt helped, and I dont know how to explain, but I sincerely hope you find your way from the darkness and into light again. Take care.
There's so much I want to say to all of this, but I feel as if every answer I could give wouldnt be enough. No one can take away this pain. I suppose the only wisdom I have is--if it hurts, change it. Find a new job, move away, take a vacation, do something radical, make a shift. Only the living feel pain, a void is only numbness, emptiness, and pain is the body's way of saying something is terribly, terribly broken and needs reshaped. Even emotional pain. And though you might not see the broken glass strewn on your path, though you might think the pain you feel is your fault because you cant see it even when you step on it, thats not the case. Dont blame yourself for the sins of the world.
Entropy wears away everything eventually. Even pain. Even regret. Even sorrow. Sometimes your worst enemy can also be your best friend.
This probably hasnt helped, and I dont know how to explain, but I sincerely hope you find your way from the darkness and into light again. Take care.
katfireblade:
"i'm looking just accepting things the way they are and pushing through. it's essentially a bad trip and i'm stuck in the middle. if i break through, i'll be better for it."
You're right, of course, and I suppose we've all been there, but its a truth that sucks ass nonetheless. "Sometimes the only way out is through" might have great wisdom, but anyone (or rather, most people I know) cringe when they see others having to deal with that truth, remembering it in all too clear detail when they were the ones learning. You have my empathy.
"entropy just is. just like the robots just are what they are. it and they cannot be destroyed. they just have to be accepted. i'm trying to learn acceptance."
I was never good at acceptance. I come at everything like I was swinging a sword--a trait which has gotten me through hell several times over and led me glorious places in life, but also lost me many of my most precious things. It cuts both ways.
I know its not the exact definition, but whenever I think of entropy, I think of Loki. There is a poem some people attribute as a perfect description of him. "When the water is stagnant / I break the dam / In love, I do break it." And every time I read or hear of entropy, that inevitably springs to mind.
Entropy only speaks of things as they fall to pieces, only focuses on anarchy and the blood dimmed tides. However, that too must end, entropy will have its way with even anarchy, once anarchy becomes the norm, and things will change again. I suppose it is what it is, but I havent the capability of seeing it as anything but one stepping stone on a very long path.
"i'm certainly trying, in spite of what i may say or do."
Is good. Every now and again through the hordes and hordes of people I speak to every day there will be one that catches my attention, like a diamond among coal. They are truly individuals, and there's so little of that left anymore, I really sit up and take notice when I meet one. Dont let your light go out, some of us rather like it.
Or...something like that.
Night.
You're right, of course, and I suppose we've all been there, but its a truth that sucks ass nonetheless. "Sometimes the only way out is through" might have great wisdom, but anyone (or rather, most people I know) cringe when they see others having to deal with that truth, remembering it in all too clear detail when they were the ones learning. You have my empathy.
"entropy just is. just like the robots just are what they are. it and they cannot be destroyed. they just have to be accepted. i'm trying to learn acceptance."
I was never good at acceptance. I come at everything like I was swinging a sword--a trait which has gotten me through hell several times over and led me glorious places in life, but also lost me many of my most precious things. It cuts both ways.
I know its not the exact definition, but whenever I think of entropy, I think of Loki. There is a poem some people attribute as a perfect description of him. "When the water is stagnant / I break the dam / In love, I do break it." And every time I read or hear of entropy, that inevitably springs to mind.
Entropy only speaks of things as they fall to pieces, only focuses on anarchy and the blood dimmed tides. However, that too must end, entropy will have its way with even anarchy, once anarchy becomes the norm, and things will change again. I suppose it is what it is, but I havent the capability of seeing it as anything but one stepping stone on a very long path.
"i'm certainly trying, in spite of what i may say or do."
Is good. Every now and again through the hordes and hordes of people I speak to every day there will be one that catches my attention, like a diamond among coal. They are truly individuals, and there's so little of that left anymore, I really sit up and take notice when I meet one. Dont let your light go out, some of us rather like it.
Or...something like that.
Night.
so, interestingly enough, i've put myself back on the job market, as a result of my company's outmoded policy to rank the value and productivity of software as a function of assembly-line-style hours.
portland, oregon. home of intel's automation lab. i'm trying to not get too excited, because they'll probably reject my demands for flex time. but it's worth a shot. you just don't know....
Read More
portland, oregon. home of intel's automation lab. i'm trying to not get too excited, because they'll probably reject my demands for flex time. but it's worth a shot. you just don't know....
Read More
i just got back from an acid mother's temple show. it was completely amazing. i had many interesting thoughts about the flying spaghetti monster. i think i even escaped my body at some point.
the squirrels, cat, or racoon is one again in my wall. this is a problem. i hear these scratching sounds coming out of my wall and ceiling. this is not good....
Read More
the squirrels, cat, or racoon is one again in my wall. this is a problem. i hear these scratching sounds coming out of my wall and ceiling. this is not good....
Read More
_bossanova_:
Maybe they've created an entirely new affliction; at least they get to name it.
What's all this about your work? I'm getting in trouble for being late, too, but I don't have to get there until the afternoon anyway.
I'm a slacker!
What's all this about your work? I'm getting in trouble for being late, too, but I don't have to get there until the afternoon anyway.
I'm a slacker!
i am so lonely right now.
mei:
i'm glad you loked the comment on the depression board - it's really shaped my life. it's funny that way - how i'm in grad school studying aesthetics because i'm trying to shape my life in such a way that i don't have to think about fear all the time.
happy birthday
>end transmission<