depressed again. i feel pretty helpless. in spite of being successful in so many aspects of my life, i'm a failure in the only thing that really brings me joy.
this girl i've been out with a couple of times makes me feel hollow inside because she just doesn't give me any emotions. i don't know what's worse: being completely alone or being with someone and still not able to let out this emotional storm in my mind.
it's literally tearing me to shreds: i've completely fucked up any possibility of being with the girl i love. she thinks of me as a pitiful joke of a human being because i've come across as a melodramatic idiot whenever i'm around her. i thought it was enough, the brief time i was with her, to be caring, thoughtful, respectful, and awesome around her. but everything i am and could be mean nothing to her and there's nothing i can do to change any of it. the only thing i have is being able to remember that i was once the happiest guy alive.
and i can't find anyone that i want in my little world where everyone i know is in a happy relationship of their own. i'm the only person among all my friends that wants to find someone to love. all the other single friends i have don't have this need, either because they just want fun or they find their joy in something else.
so after i'm done drowning and smoking away my sorrow i still crawl into bed, lonelier than ever, and i cry. i cry because my body and mind just don't have a choice anymore. all this longing, all this unrealized love evaporates away in my tears and sleep. and i just wake up again to another miserable day. alone.
i have no idea how to stop the hurt. i don't have a clue of how to break myself out of this, anymore. i feel like just another cliche of a person surrounded by stuff that doesn't make him happy. it makes me feel pitiful.
this girl i've been out with a couple of times makes me feel hollow inside because she just doesn't give me any emotions. i don't know what's worse: being completely alone or being with someone and still not able to let out this emotional storm in my mind.
it's literally tearing me to shreds: i've completely fucked up any possibility of being with the girl i love. she thinks of me as a pitiful joke of a human being because i've come across as a melodramatic idiot whenever i'm around her. i thought it was enough, the brief time i was with her, to be caring, thoughtful, respectful, and awesome around her. but everything i am and could be mean nothing to her and there's nothing i can do to change any of it. the only thing i have is being able to remember that i was once the happiest guy alive.
and i can't find anyone that i want in my little world where everyone i know is in a happy relationship of their own. i'm the only person among all my friends that wants to find someone to love. all the other single friends i have don't have this need, either because they just want fun or they find their joy in something else.
so after i'm done drowning and smoking away my sorrow i still crawl into bed, lonelier than ever, and i cry. i cry because my body and mind just don't have a choice anymore. all this longing, all this unrealized love evaporates away in my tears and sleep. and i just wake up again to another miserable day. alone.
i have no idea how to stop the hurt. i don't have a clue of how to break myself out of this, anymore. i feel like just another cliche of a person surrounded by stuff that doesn't make him happy. it makes me feel pitiful.
*A LOT*