aye. such a depressing day. 
but don't fret gentlefolk. the beginning is happening. i am restless, yet at peace. and everything will be all good in the next few months.
provided i get the call.
god-damn the fates.
sometimes, i wish things would just work themselves out without such relentless intervention on my part. does that make me lazy, or idealistic? what's the difference, anyway?
when i think in images, there is no sound. and when i think in sound, there are usually colors. does this make me stupid? or just wanting more - an ambition unfed by the current state of the world.
i'll freely admit - there is an element of selfishness here. a good thing i've collapsed under its weight of joy - and i can't have enough of it.
i ask again: must there be a mixed blessing in EVERYTHING? why can't there be one strong signal guiding me onto the right state of happiness? why can't there be knowledge that stems forth from the narrow biases of our day-to-day existence?
is it too much to ask for entropy to stop for a moment and let me enjoy the obviously fleeting happiness i'm experiencing right now? do ALL good things come to an end? can't we stop the fucking entropy from ruining our joys and happiness?
what the hell is making me so lonely, anyway?
why is there emptiness in the bliss? sorrow in joy? desire in fate? up until now, i've been able to create my own destiny - and yet, when it manifests, there is never a completion. is there even such a thing? is it just something we made up - some ideal state of being that is as much a spectre as the belief in happiness?
it can't be all there is, people. why struggle to expect more worse things to be hurled senselessly upon your person? can't we just reach a place of satisfaction and be done with it all? no debt, no sorrow, no worries - just unihibited joy and ambition tied helping to form the singularity...
is it too much to ask for? why am i being selfish? why don't i care if i am? what is this state of existence?
let me go, god-damnit. just leave me the hell alone from all the bullshit of paying an endless stream of bills, of washing the same dishes thousands of times, of having to deal with the petty desires of misguided patrons just so i can keep the former at bay...
i want to neither be a slave or master to anyone, not even my own selfish whims - i just want to be. why can't this happen?
is it just so inconcievable it's easier to say it's lunacy?
but don't fret gentlefolk. the beginning is happening. i am restless, yet at peace. and everything will be all good in the next few months.
provided i get the call.
god-damn the fates.
sometimes, i wish things would just work themselves out without such relentless intervention on my part. does that make me lazy, or idealistic? what's the difference, anyway?
when i think in images, there is no sound. and when i think in sound, there are usually colors. does this make me stupid? or just wanting more - an ambition unfed by the current state of the world.
i'll freely admit - there is an element of selfishness here. a good thing i've collapsed under its weight of joy - and i can't have enough of it.
i ask again: must there be a mixed blessing in EVERYTHING? why can't there be one strong signal guiding me onto the right state of happiness? why can't there be knowledge that stems forth from the narrow biases of our day-to-day existence?
is it too much to ask for entropy to stop for a moment and let me enjoy the obviously fleeting happiness i'm experiencing right now? do ALL good things come to an end? can't we stop the fucking entropy from ruining our joys and happiness?
what the hell is making me so lonely, anyway?
why is there emptiness in the bliss? sorrow in joy? desire in fate? up until now, i've been able to create my own destiny - and yet, when it manifests, there is never a completion. is there even such a thing? is it just something we made up - some ideal state of being that is as much a spectre as the belief in happiness?
it can't be all there is, people. why struggle to expect more worse things to be hurled senselessly upon your person? can't we just reach a place of satisfaction and be done with it all? no debt, no sorrow, no worries - just unihibited joy and ambition tied helping to form the singularity...
is it too much to ask for? why am i being selfish? why don't i care if i am? what is this state of existence?
let me go, god-damnit. just leave me the hell alone from all the bullshit of paying an endless stream of bills, of washing the same dishes thousands of times, of having to deal with the petty desires of misguided patrons just so i can keep the former at bay...
i want to neither be a slave or master to anyone, not even my own selfish whims - i just want to be. why can't this happen?
is it just so inconcievable it's easier to say it's lunacy?
please cease and be happy, dammit