wild_zero

the girl had too many paxil bottles all over the floor in her room, so i'm not upset she didn't call me back. i left my friend over at their house - so no skin off my back. it was too much drama to deal with so i left it all the minute i stepped out their door.

the other girl was probably a republican, since she declined to go to drinking liberally with me. so much for demographics.

i was hoping sushi girl would come through this weekend - given that the ball was in her court. she was out of town two weekends and then canceled one date at the last minute on tuesday.

so, i invited the biker girl to several things tonight, and she called me back and wanted to hang out after she got off work. come to this art show - it'll be fun! sure thing.

i go to this place. there was some kind of performance art going on with lots of gas masks and other strange trinkets strewn about. pretty cool actually.

i'm about to leave and i get to meet the biker girl's date. actually, i didn't even get that privilege, i just heard her say "there's my date - he's my ride." and i watched her get in the dude's car. it made me wonder why she would have invited me to the art thing in the first place if she already had a date. just to make me feel bad? she was successful.

and that would have sucked on its own. but no, life wanted to just keep knocking me down. i ran into sushi girl at the art event. of course, both her and the biker girl ended up getting introduced to one another - causing about five minutes of planet akward. at least biker girl said goodbye in her own little fucked up way. i watched sushi girl leave without saying goodbye - arm in arm with some elvis costello poser.

so there you have it. nice guy gets fucked over again and nothing changes. it gets more and more difficult everyday to sit and smile and watch all your friends date wonderful people. of course i'm happy for my friends - but by this point it just dissolves into a muted joy as i watch the world move forward and experience love without me. meanwhile, i experience a slow suicide, one cigarette and disillusion at a time.

i've had enough sensory deprivation. it's time to sever my nerves. then, i won't be able to feel a thing - the world can throw all its shit at me and i just won't care. some would look at that and think "but that's terrible! the day will come and you won't be able to love back!"

i say i can't miss something i've never experienced.