wild_zero

so much has happened in my strange and wonderful gonzo lifestyle of late. i don't have cancer. the mutants lost. the girl is confused. should i just accept my fate (duty?) and date women over 30? what is the state of the world when i can't have an intelligent conversation with a girl my age? is it me? them? nothing at all? i'll drift towards the latter given the right evidence. my heart is in the right place - longing - plotting on how to best become an expatriate of this foul nation and enter the legendary status. i feel legendary sprouts about me, but something holds me back. the resurrection of anais nin should happen in my backyard. where is she, god-damnit. we need her now more than ever. that's the big idea. if she would appear, i'd take her out west and we'd fly from vancouver to venezuela - get fake passports, and then fly to turkey. there, we'd get residency, drink raka, and smoke opium. come 2015 when turkey joins the EU, we'd deport ourselves to spain and live on the beach. not a bad life, i don't see the problem here. except, no one is there that cares enough to embark. no dice she'll make it even halfway. that's not what's important. i just want the knowledge that she exists and she wants to go. drop it all to live, even if it's just a little and for a blip in time. but i dream big, and that will probably never happen. maybe i should just set off and pick her up somewhere on i-20 west trying to find the american dream. who knows. i'm giving the dream a few more months and then i'm going beyond space and time. into the unknown. into the great vast unknown. i wish she would show up and come with me. most sources say unlikely, and that i should just go. well, i'm going to, god-damnit. whether she's onboard or not. and that's how it is.