whatiwas

Instead of allowing my errors to evoke an unblockable rush of despair and inactivity and self-loathing, I will grit my teeth, sqare my jaw, stick out my chest, accept the fall-out and fix things. Instead of overcompensating for the things I can't change, I'll instead work on changing the things I can change.

I will not rest on the laurels of my momentary spurs of emotion and/or motivation, instead following up, following through, and having that be the only instances in which I follow.

I will be proactive and honest with everyone I know, especially women, because the relationships I have with them inevitably take on a complexity that requires a degree of stability and focus. I will not allow myself to fall into romantic attachments that I am too passive-aggressive to get myself out of before they drive me to the brink of my already-tenuous sanity.

I will find a fucking job, any job, nothing with a sense of permanance, because I don't want to be a career man right now. I will instead find a graduate program.

I will not allow myself to be discouraged by the overachievers I seem to surround myself with. I will not look at their direction and accomplishments and let the comparative uselessness of all my life fall by the wayside in sadness and inadequacy.

I will find a fucking band.

I will become a real person, and not just a collection of thoughts unspoken, dreams abandoned, and flesh wasted.