this should be the time when i sit down, doused in the smell of smoke from some stupid endeavor and wax whatever about the state of the world or the delineations of social stratii or some shit like that.
not tonight.
this could be the time when i tell you about what i don't know about women (which, believe me, is a long sit-down-and-tell), presenting questions that are more-or-less hypothetical than they should be, ultimately culminating in a treatise on why i think i am lonely and why i do or don't deserve to be.
again, not tonight.
there isn't much tonight, because i feel like shit, swollen and tired and about to explode physically. i felt good for a little while tonight, with but not really with someone, enjoying their presence and enjoying a movie but still feeling disconnected.
(by the way, "American Splendor" kicks far more ass than expected.)
i kissed her in the bar, she's twice my age but that doesn't matter, she said something like "i never thought you'd do that in public" and i didn't tell her that i didn't know what i was doing, pressing my cheek and my nose to hers and truly wanting no one else; i didn't tell her that i felt so bad physically and i still can't figure out the reason why.
i want to think she knew how completely fucked i feel right now, my mind is fucking blown, and i know that for sure because even this, so close to real, is only making sense in some way i'll remember later. you've heard all of this before if you know me, i'm sorry for the repetition, i'm sorry for the half-assed attempt at honesty.
i have no idea how i will ever find the energy to exercise in a few hours. perhaps i should find such a notion.
not tonight.
wake me up in a bit, will you?
not tonight.
this could be the time when i tell you about what i don't know about women (which, believe me, is a long sit-down-and-tell), presenting questions that are more-or-less hypothetical than they should be, ultimately culminating in a treatise on why i think i am lonely and why i do or don't deserve to be.
again, not tonight.
there isn't much tonight, because i feel like shit, swollen and tired and about to explode physically. i felt good for a little while tonight, with but not really with someone, enjoying their presence and enjoying a movie but still feeling disconnected.
(by the way, "American Splendor" kicks far more ass than expected.)
i kissed her in the bar, she's twice my age but that doesn't matter, she said something like "i never thought you'd do that in public" and i didn't tell her that i didn't know what i was doing, pressing my cheek and my nose to hers and truly wanting no one else; i didn't tell her that i felt so bad physically and i still can't figure out the reason why.
i want to think she knew how completely fucked i feel right now, my mind is fucking blown, and i know that for sure because even this, so close to real, is only making sense in some way i'll remember later. you've heard all of this before if you know me, i'm sorry for the repetition, i'm sorry for the half-assed attempt at honesty.
i have no idea how i will ever find the energy to exercise in a few hours. perhaps i should find such a notion.
not tonight.
wake me up in a bit, will you?
violenttortoise:
Would you opt for a bucket of cold water thrown in your face, smelling salts, or a strange homeless man running around your house while on fire? All three work exceptionally well for me when I'm on the muzzy side.