I'm not much of a journal, diary, blogging sort of person...Protect the innocent and guilty kind of mentality I guess. But I'm gonna try to start keeping one going, hell no one's gonna read this anyways probably so it should be good therapy for me.
In past entry I said I was leaving PCB, but of course finances weren't there to do so; and my band got it back together...again. And I got a real job, which I'm still at 9 months later...amazing!!!
So here I am, pretty much at the bottom of the barrel. I sold everything I don't need to make money with (ie. guitars, basses, amps, van, computer), so I'm livin' and travelin' lite again. It feels good to not be burdened by my possessions, and if the Credit Card company that says it's going to sue me does, there ain't nothin' to git. Ha Ha you coporate vampires, suck on that empty egg. 
So I'm trying to get my attitude about living life back. Other than my moments on stage when I feel the energy and freedom of the universe hit me, the rest of my waking moments are getting me really depressed
I'm starting to really feel lonely and alone...lack of closeness to anyone, no relationship for several years and living in a place that doesn't understand a 40 yr old guy with a blue mohawk is becoming more than a drag. Even the young hipster punks and goths here look at me wierd. Like that one comedian says, "Now I'm the creepy old guy at the shows, that we used to make fun of..." It sucks. And I don't feel old, or think I'm old...but I'm really wishing I was back 25 years playing some punk show with all my friends. Hell now I wish I had some friends, other than band mates who are gettin' on my nerves lately too.
How does one take decades of anger, contempt and loathing and turn around and "Be Happy" without physician applied for pharmacuticals?????
If anyone reads this and know that answer let me know cuz I need some direction.
Till later,
Seano
In past entry I said I was leaving PCB, but of course finances weren't there to do so; and my band got it back together...again. And I got a real job, which I'm still at 9 months later...amazing!!!
So here I am, pretty much at the bottom of the barrel. I sold everything I don't need to make money with (ie. guitars, basses, amps, van, computer), so I'm livin' and travelin' lite again. It feels good to not be burdened by my possessions, and if the Credit Card company that says it's going to sue me does, there ain't nothin' to git. Ha Ha you coporate vampires, suck on that empty egg.
So I'm trying to get my attitude about living life back. Other than my moments on stage when I feel the energy and freedom of the universe hit me, the rest of my waking moments are getting me really depressed
I'm starting to really feel lonely and alone...lack of closeness to anyone, no relationship for several years and living in a place that doesn't understand a 40 yr old guy with a blue mohawk is becoming more than a drag. Even the young hipster punks and goths here look at me wierd. Like that one comedian says, "Now I'm the creepy old guy at the shows, that we used to make fun of..." It sucks. And I don't feel old, or think I'm old...but I'm really wishing I was back 25 years playing some punk show with all my friends. Hell now I wish I had some friends, other than band mates who are gettin' on my nerves lately too.
How does one take decades of anger, contempt and loathing and turn around and "Be Happy" without physician applied for pharmacuticals?????
If anyone reads this and know that answer let me know cuz I need some direction.
Till later,
Seano