Been a while since I've written anything of consequence here, so here we go two or three months of my life in one post -
Yeah I got nothing.
Sure there are work worries, things with girls and movies I've hated. But I feel that's just a cut and paste of everything else I've ever written. So I'm just going to make some stuff up instead. Everything beyond this point is my brain expunging all the ridiculous shit it usually keeps to itself.
August was a strange month, far too many Cybermen for my liking. The daily commute is painful enough without being dragged out my car and being threatened with deletion if I didn't join their ranks. I tried to explain that someone had to be in the office to fix various internet problems we can't all be Cyberpeople how would anything get done? Like all good jobworths though they just kept threatening deletion and herded us into the processing stations.
Thankfully before my brain was migrated into a metallic body they all got swine flu and died. Least that's how I remember it. Others swear David Tennant saved us. All I know is that there are no toilets in a Cyberman processing factory and I left with very wet jeans. Fuckers.
In July I had to call pest control to remove Jessica Biel from my house. I say remove, it was more like a terrible fatal gassing. But thats what you get for deleting my Guitar Hero save bitch. Thanks again to "Shit Actress Be Gone" for taking care of my problem. They did offer to "pacify" Lindsay Lohan free of charge, but I'd just got her some red hair dye so she can "stay" a little longer.
September has so far been free of robotic enslavement and transient celebrities. I've spent most of my time holed up trying to write the fourth sequel to "Jaws". Progress has been hampered by director Steven Spielberg insisting that the antagonist cannot be a shark this time round. Or any marine animal. But it still has to be set in the ocean. Seems he's afraid that "Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus" has done all that can be done with viscous sea creatures. Genius that he is though he has suggested several alternatives (the following are his words) -
1. Those plastic things that hold together 4 packs of beer. Deadly to birds apparently, imagine if "science" mutated one so it's dangerous to humans.
2. The Titanic. Imagine "science" mutated it so it had teeth and ran on human blood.
3. The movie Hook. Imagine "science" mutated so it was deadly to humans. (Withdrawn after it was pointed out it already was)
4. The fireman tool nicknamed the "The Jaws of Life". Imagine if "science" mutated them into "The Jaws of Death".
And so on and so on....
Eventually I asked Mr. Spielberg what he had against science. He went quiet for a while and then explained that "science" killed his wife. I pointed out his wife was sat next to him, but he just shushed me and said "She doesn't know" and winked. Currently I'm working on idea number five in which beach dwellers are threatened by a mutated Nazi concentration camp.
And thats been my life recently.
Yeah I got nothing.
Sure there are work worries, things with girls and movies I've hated. But I feel that's just a cut and paste of everything else I've ever written. So I'm just going to make some stuff up instead. Everything beyond this point is my brain expunging all the ridiculous shit it usually keeps to itself.
August was a strange month, far too many Cybermen for my liking. The daily commute is painful enough without being dragged out my car and being threatened with deletion if I didn't join their ranks. I tried to explain that someone had to be in the office to fix various internet problems we can't all be Cyberpeople how would anything get done? Like all good jobworths though they just kept threatening deletion and herded us into the processing stations.
Thankfully before my brain was migrated into a metallic body they all got swine flu and died. Least that's how I remember it. Others swear David Tennant saved us. All I know is that there are no toilets in a Cyberman processing factory and I left with very wet jeans. Fuckers.
In July I had to call pest control to remove Jessica Biel from my house. I say remove, it was more like a terrible fatal gassing. But thats what you get for deleting my Guitar Hero save bitch. Thanks again to "Shit Actress Be Gone" for taking care of my problem. They did offer to "pacify" Lindsay Lohan free of charge, but I'd just got her some red hair dye so she can "stay" a little longer.
September has so far been free of robotic enslavement and transient celebrities. I've spent most of my time holed up trying to write the fourth sequel to "Jaws". Progress has been hampered by director Steven Spielberg insisting that the antagonist cannot be a shark this time round. Or any marine animal. But it still has to be set in the ocean. Seems he's afraid that "Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus" has done all that can be done with viscous sea creatures. Genius that he is though he has suggested several alternatives (the following are his words) -
1. Those plastic things that hold together 4 packs of beer. Deadly to birds apparently, imagine if "science" mutated one so it's dangerous to humans.
2. The Titanic. Imagine "science" mutated it so it had teeth and ran on human blood.
3. The movie Hook. Imagine "science" mutated so it was deadly to humans. (Withdrawn after it was pointed out it already was)
4. The fireman tool nicknamed the "The Jaws of Life". Imagine if "science" mutated them into "The Jaws of Death".
And so on and so on....
Eventually I asked Mr. Spielberg what he had against science. He went quiet for a while and then explained that "science" killed his wife. I pointed out his wife was sat next to him, but he just shushed me and said "She doesn't know" and winked. Currently I'm working on idea number five in which beach dwellers are threatened by a mutated Nazi concentration camp.
And thats been my life recently.