walker

For the past few days now I havent really felt that great. I havent had anything bad happen, just been bored out of my mind. Nothing to really do but sleep and kill time any way I can. Its actually been kind of nice, but something was still bringing me down. I finally figured it out.

It has to do with my dad, though the problem is really him. He has taken the steps to repair things, but I dont trust or respect him. But right now he isnt the problem. The problem is that I caved in. I gave in to something I felt strongly about do appease someone, which any more doesnt have my best interest in mind. I had decided months ago it was necessary to cut myself off from my dad because I was sick of his shit. I was sick of the lies and sick of his actions. My mom, who cant stand him, talked me into going. Well more like nagged me into going. The only reason she did this was so that I could tell her what he was doing for work, and if he was taking care of his back taxes. Also so she would know how much his income is so she could get back child support.

There are other things I dont need to discuses really. But I just cant help feeling like shit because of me going over. It seems that Im always trying to appease someone. Really I just want to do what I can for others, but in the end it always seems I end up doing something that affects me in some negative way. And when it comes to my parents it just seems to be and endless game of one-upmanship.