wakeangel

Today I am suffering from a severe lack of motivation. Yup... I hate it when that happens. I was just about to go mountain biking so I thought I'd check the local radars and it seems we have thunderstorms on the way. Getting caught in the mountains on a bicycle during a thunderstorm sucks so I didn't go. Therefore, I am here telling anyone who cares to listen, that today I am lame. Partly because I've gone out the last three nights and since I can't sleep past eight-thirty or so I've not had much sleep. Actually I haven't been sleeping much these last two weeks. Not sure why. It's funny, I go through these phases where I'd like to, maybe, date but then when I do I feel sorta icky. Icky meaning I wanna hang out but I really don't want to have to answer to anyone (or in the words of one of the saloon owners in "Deadwood", "I'm beholden to no human cocksucker alive", or something to that effect). Unfortunately, nature calls and I am often at odds with that. There are moments when sex can be the best thing ever. But I have been to the mountain my friends and once you've made love with someone you're truly, madly, deeply in love with anything else can be a bit, shall we say, hollow. What's wrong with some good 'ole fashion shallow humping, you might ask. Well nothing really, 'cept things tend to become complicated. At least it always seems that way. Some of you I already know what you'll say but you can say it anyway if you want. I'm definitely at a point where I can actaully go out on dates but I can't get past the picking someone apart bit (you know, that sort of boomarang moment when every person has something that you just can't live with). It's quite silly I know... but. This weekend I was talking with a friend of mine about this girl we all know and love and I said "I'd totally date her".
To which he replied, "no you'd fuck her, you don't want to date her".
"No, I'd wanna date her", I said.
"Dude, you really don't want to fight with somebody like that, all the time", he says back.
But maybe I do, in some fucked up way, want that chaos. Maybe deep down I don't feel like I deserve any better (jeez, I hope that's not it). Or maybe I just need to be with someone that could drive me to want something better. I don't fucking know, really... no, seriously. Anyway I think I'm just sort of rambling.
Last night I went to Dante's, thinking there was going to be several SG friends there and what do you know, the awsome miss
VeniceVenice was there. It was nice to see her out. However no one else came 'til much later when graigweed showed up with a girly in tow! Go Graig-ee. It was cool though. It just so happened that Germany performed last night as a last minute addition to the Sinferno lineup. I got to see her and you guys didn't, nya nya nyah nyah... suckers. She was awsome as usual. And what a cool person to boot. She's getting really good with the poi. Each time I see her do it she get's more impressive. Um what else... I'm fucking going to bed early tonight. After eating a frozen pizza and watching part of season two of "Deadwood". That show freakin' rocks. The most liberal use of the term cocksucker I have ever heard in my life. Good stuff.