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Between my flat and my parents is a stretch of motorway without lights. You drive following white cat eyes. Passing the gliding stars of oncoming headlights. Exceeding 100mph steering becomes critically responsive. Turn too sharply and you'll roll. I try to listen to something beautiful, loud.

The sky's an inky black tonight, the silhouetted tree line blurring it to the dark ahead. At this speed you have to focus or you'll find yourself drifting. The world seems a hundred times more beautiful when you're forced to ignore it. Watching cat eyes curve away.

I love this ride. Sometimes I'll cross lanes to feel drag. Sometimes, like tonight, I'll stay in the fast lane and switch my lights off. Coasting in the dark. The cat's eyes still glimmer but the sky seems so much darker, heavier. I always feel smaller in the dark. The sky's crushing me with the Universe above it. Here I'm just dust particles accelerating.

I remember a few years ago hitting a corner at 80mph and the car flipping sideways. I watched as the glass exploded inwards in slow motion with the roof crushing in around me. I remember it all as a slow and silent scene like that TV footage where astronauts toss each other tools in space. In that moment the universe, physics, felt tangible; a hand crushing the metal around me. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I was told that statistically I was more likely to have died in that car crash then live. Made me think that maybe deaths the most beautiful thing we will ever see.