vonnegution

Hola.

Sorry. I was meaning to write back much sooner, I just... Well, I never thought I'd say this and actually mean it, but it just slipped my mind: I haven't been "too busy", not that I haven't been busy, just not, realistically, "too" busy to give you (especially you) a response. I got your first message in the morning before work, and then, you know, work happened. So, yeah. Sorry 'bout that.

Not much has been up with me. Just work and hanging out with friends. Sarah didn't work out. Just like so many others, after a couple weeks and a handful of dates (real-real or not), she decided she wasn't "in a place to date anyone right now," and then a few days later she updates her profile to say she's "seeing someone." But, whatever. This last week that status changed back to "I'm single now!", so I'm assuming whomever she was dating also realized that she never shuts the fuck up and decided to end it.

No, I'm not bitter.

I was considering going on a date with another girl from that same site, but a) It was happening way too quickly, we'd sent like two messages back and forth and she already wanted to meet, and b) Because of I wasn't sure whether I even liked talking to her online, yet, I was actually worried I wouldn't like her more than I was worried that she wouldn't like me. That's kind of a first, and, I think, at least somewhat healthy.

Other than that, I've been watching a lot of TV (either broadcast or DVD), writing a webisode series I hope to start shooting by summer, working (had at least one day of overtime every week since the end of January), and hanging out with friends.

I enjoy the latter, but most of them are in relationships now. They range from marriedly serious to chick-admittedly-cheated-on-him-but-hey-it's-and-I-quote-"pussy-you know?", so mostly that means hanging out with my friends and their girlfriends, fiances, or wives. And that can get mildly depressing at times. I'm definitely fine with being single-- probably too comfortable in it, really-- and I don't need another person to be fully me. But, you know, we all need another person to be fully us. And I feel both at a great advantage and almost crippled by the internet. It's certainly easier to talk to girls online, but it doesn't make meeting worthwhile ones, who are also interested in me, any easier. It may almost make it harder, because the talking is so easy.

But I don't like going to clubs, and when I go to bars, I'm usually going to relax and meeting someone just isn't on the agenda. And I've only ever picked one girl up from the bar, and she was kind of crazy... But, I think I told you about her?

Anyhoo, I was watching something this weekend called The Guild (www.watchtheguild.com) where in one scene the main character is talking to her therapist, and her therapist says something akin to, "People learn how to be in relationships from their parents." And that must be true, because for most of my childhood that I can remember, my parents were either separated, or my dad got by without ever having to, or wanting to, do much of anything except sleep, watch tv, or read in the bathtub. And that's pretty much my life now: Not with anybody and I spend most of my time sleeping, watching tv, or reading in the bathtub. I guess by the logic of that quote, I've succeeded in mimicking my parents.

I swear I'm not depressed or mental, or anything. I guess I've just been wanting to get a lot of this out for a while and I didn't have anywhere to direct it. I've been steering clear of writing personal blogs for a long time, because whenever I read the old ones I posted, I get nostalgic and frustrated. And my friends, all being in relationships, just don't want to hear it. And my one friend who isn't with anyone, is perpetually legitimately depressed and even moreso now, since a girl he was seeing for a month (a whole month!) dumped him because she came to terms with being gay. Blerg.

But I'm good. I swear! I just need to have someone to sleep, watch tv, and read in the bathtub with.