Okay, I remembered my notebooks today....
installment #2:
12.19.02
Costa mesa is really borring. There's nothing to do here. At least the weather's nice. It's supposed to rain tomorrow. If I don't start working soon, I'm going to kill myselfI'm really bored and I think I can feel myself getting fat.......
Today I realized that I love palm trees, because they are slender and graceful, and they go through so many phsical changes as they age and grow. It's kinda like a type of metamorphosis. If you look at a really young palm tree and then a really old one, its almost like looking at two different species of palm tree, because the trunks look so different. I dig 'em. they're cool........
There are some things that just aren't worth pursuing, because if you think about it long enough, you realize they are trivial, and it's better to just bite your toungue. I think sometimes that's a better solution than bitching. Does that make me a liar by way of omission? I hadn't thought about it that way before............
12.20.02
Spooky is my hero today. I went to Kinko's today to try to write a journal entry, but their computer wouldn't let me. I had to use a backdoor just to log on to the site, and then it still wouldn't display the log in, join, prefferences, or log out options. So once i was logged on, I coulden't log out. so i called SGHQ and spooky logged me out in a flash. What a guy...Today's lesson: don't try to look at porn at Kinko's, their computers have some weird kind of security on them.........
Would someone please tell me why some people act like such jack asses some times? And people aren't just jackasses in southern california, either. Jackasses are found EVERYWHERE. There is an isue i'd like to address: so. California is not rude and it doesn't suck, and I'm really sick of people saying that i'm stupid or crazy for moving here. If you can't say anything nice, then shut the fuck up, and keep your negative opinions to yourself, because if you haven't figured out that rude people are everywhere you go, then you really need to pay more attention to what's going on in your own backyard, before you peek over the fence, and look in mine..........
So a bunch of people asked me why I'm so hard on myself. well, I'm not going to spill my life story, but I'll sum it up like this: My parents raised me to think very differently. After all I was born in Berkeley. I was raised to think that I could accomplish anything, and to have very high moral standards. I still have very high standards, and my expectations of myself are extremly high. So, consequently, when I fail to meet my own expectations, I am very hard on myself. That's where the whole feeling of not being good enough comes in, which I guess is really just a fear of failure. Yes, there is a method to my madness...I might be crazy but at least i know exactly why I'm crazy, and that's a step up from being just plain old crazy......
I'm over at the Softcore house right now. they're doing Norweigian christmas dinner tonight. Yum. Kriten is a good cook. she made the same soup this year that she did last year. I really want the recipe for it.......
12.24.02
Only four more days until I move into my new place. I cant wait.
Birch, my cat, has been such a trooper througout this entire move. I was really worried that she wouldn't make it. But, she's doing great, and she really likes riding in the car now. I took her to the beach the other day, and she didn't like it. I think the ocean was too loud for her, and she didn't like getting sand in her paws. She's doing really well for a cat that's never been outside my house in portland. She even walks on a leash now. She doesn't walk where I want her to, but she does walk on a leash.....
12.26.02
Yesterday started out awful, but it got better. I still wouldn't call it great though. I hate christmas and all the phony hype that goes along with it. Bah humbug. at least Its over, and people are finally going to take all that tacky christmas crap down....
I just got of the phone with my father. We had a 40 minute disscussion regarding paint brushes, general contracting, painting techniques, and how great we both are at it, the family buisiness, politics and corruption, and of course traded recipes for lasagne, eggplant parmigane, and tuscan white bean soup. yum!............
Okay kids, there you have it.
installment #2:
12.19.02
Costa mesa is really borring. There's nothing to do here. At least the weather's nice. It's supposed to rain tomorrow. If I don't start working soon, I'm going to kill myselfI'm really bored and I think I can feel myself getting fat.......
Today I realized that I love palm trees, because they are slender and graceful, and they go through so many phsical changes as they age and grow. It's kinda like a type of metamorphosis. If you look at a really young palm tree and then a really old one, its almost like looking at two different species of palm tree, because the trunks look so different. I dig 'em. they're cool........
There are some things that just aren't worth pursuing, because if you think about it long enough, you realize they are trivial, and it's better to just bite your toungue. I think sometimes that's a better solution than bitching. Does that make me a liar by way of omission? I hadn't thought about it that way before............
12.20.02
Spooky is my hero today. I went to Kinko's today to try to write a journal entry, but their computer wouldn't let me. I had to use a backdoor just to log on to the site, and then it still wouldn't display the log in, join, prefferences, or log out options. So once i was logged on, I coulden't log out. so i called SGHQ and spooky logged me out in a flash. What a guy...Today's lesson: don't try to look at porn at Kinko's, their computers have some weird kind of security on them.........
Would someone please tell me why some people act like such jack asses some times? And people aren't just jackasses in southern california, either. Jackasses are found EVERYWHERE. There is an isue i'd like to address: so. California is not rude and it doesn't suck, and I'm really sick of people saying that i'm stupid or crazy for moving here. If you can't say anything nice, then shut the fuck up, and keep your negative opinions to yourself, because if you haven't figured out that rude people are everywhere you go, then you really need to pay more attention to what's going on in your own backyard, before you peek over the fence, and look in mine..........
So a bunch of people asked me why I'm so hard on myself. well, I'm not going to spill my life story, but I'll sum it up like this: My parents raised me to think very differently. After all I was born in Berkeley. I was raised to think that I could accomplish anything, and to have very high moral standards. I still have very high standards, and my expectations of myself are extremly high. So, consequently, when I fail to meet my own expectations, I am very hard on myself. That's where the whole feeling of not being good enough comes in, which I guess is really just a fear of failure. Yes, there is a method to my madness...I might be crazy but at least i know exactly why I'm crazy, and that's a step up from being just plain old crazy......
I'm over at the Softcore house right now. they're doing Norweigian christmas dinner tonight. Yum. Kriten is a good cook. she made the same soup this year that she did last year. I really want the recipe for it.......
12.24.02
Only four more days until I move into my new place. I cant wait.
Birch, my cat, has been such a trooper througout this entire move. I was really worried that she wouldn't make it. But, she's doing great, and she really likes riding in the car now. I took her to the beach the other day, and she didn't like it. I think the ocean was too loud for her, and she didn't like getting sand in her paws. She's doing really well for a cat that's never been outside my house in portland. She even walks on a leash now. She doesn't walk where I want her to, but she does walk on a leash.....
12.26.02
Yesterday started out awful, but it got better. I still wouldn't call it great though. I hate christmas and all the phony hype that goes along with it. Bah humbug. at least Its over, and people are finally going to take all that tacky christmas crap down....
I just got of the phone with my father. We had a 40 minute disscussion regarding paint brushes, general contracting, painting techniques, and how great we both are at it, the family buisiness, politics and corruption, and of course traded recipes for lasagne, eggplant parmigane, and tuscan white bean soup. yum!............
Okay kids, there you have it.
"sounds like your parents should get together with my parents and go bowling"
yup, son of a doc. good man that never pressured, but was ever encouraging. striving for perfection is dandy, but just remember that if done "correctly", you're always going to be your worst critic. there are times to actually accept a compliment...it keeps you sane (so i've heard). perfectionists are fun