voltaire

I feel like I have been running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.. I have a million and one emails and calls to return. I have been so busy lately, that I haven't even had time to cook for myself, and have been eating junkfood which makes me depressed if I eat it for too many days in a row. I am trying to move, and It is very fucking hectic. I hate my apartment. I ahven't been just ignoring my journals, I haven't called any of my friends except Scar, and I haven't gone out other than work except for perversion. I am exausted. and I feel trapped in this shitty apartment. I have to get out of here. I have looked at places to rent, and I can't find anything big enough. I'm not going to shove my cat into a tiny ass apartment, that she can't run around in, and I refuse to live in the valley, eagle rock, or glendale. I just have to keep looking. But I'm not going to not live in L.A. I'll kill myself before I move to glendale or the valley. fuck that. So the search continues.....

I've been doing alot of nothing exciting lately. just work, and looking for a cool apartment. I had to cancell my atlanta trip, because I have to save all my $ to move. I hate the place I'm in now. it's an expensive slum pit and my mail gets stolen here. I have to go get a PO box now.

This week I am working away.... the money at work hasn't been all that great lately, so I have to work harder. and my boss is getting kinda creepy, after he bought the magazine I'm in.

I have been designing a logo for my website... I have several different prototypes now. I just have to choose one for the flash page.

I have a new friend that works for Sephora. He's a good friend to have. Everytime I go have him do my make up, he gives me everything he uses on me. It rules. I need to call that guy. He gives me a fat discount on everything I buy from there too. the other day I got a fifty dollar brush for tweny five bucks... not bad.

I really don't have any thing cool to talk about. I haven't been up to anything exciting lately. I'm not doing anything exciting this week either. not till next week.

I went to the beach last week, and I feel like all that great energy I had from the ocean has already been tapped. I want to go spend a few days in malibu, or santa barbara.... But I can't. Oh well.... I'll keep plugging away here, and get things done.

well I guess I'm outa here.... I'l try to write something more interesting tomorrow... maybe I'll just take an excerpt out of my paper journal.......

this has always ben one of my favorite songs...

I can tell when I'm dead inside, I stop thinking of god, I'm living in hell... I stop wishing. Wishing... wishing you well. had a friend, I knew him well, His voice was so blue, His eyes were so calm... He stopped wishing, now I'm wishing... he stopped wishing...I'm wishing him well... wishing you well! wishing you well! wishing you well! wishing you well!
I had a dream last night, I could heal people, I heal myself, Just by wishing, just by wishing....Wishing you well! wishing you well! wishing you well!
It takes sirens sometimes to make me glad, I hear sirens sometimes and I'm just glad I'm not inside.......

Maybe I'll dredge some old thought out of my paper journal so you can read someting more interesting later.

- were you picked on in school?
- what were you like in school?
- did you have any idea that you would turn out the way you are today? are you pleased with the results?