voltaire

Those commercials were the best. I was like 9 when they came out--I became convinced that The Enquirer was a source of news. Consequently, I also thought it must be really important for the world to know how Burt and Lonnie are doing.

otherwise we'd look reheheeeeelly funny on 'shrooms... or maybe it's the altitude... lack of O2... water boils faster....we're all kinda Church of England here....all waiting for gedoh....

yet another pretentious exotic club opened it's doors this weekend, forcing the dancers to apply base to cover their tattoos. how exciting. woooooooo.

this dancer comes up to me, says "hey, i need a drink, and i'm gonna get one," and looks at me with all the character and intelligence of a stillborn aardvark. she didnt even tell me how nice i smelled...too bad they dont make a personality concealer ... "L'OREAL DEBUTS NEW UNISEX PERSONALITY CONCEALER IN SIX SWANKY NEW SPRING CHARACTERS", page 6...

"BREAKING NEWS!! COLORADO MAN RAMBLES ON AND ON AD INFINITUM - 'I ATE TOO MUCH VICODIN TO COUNTERACT THE TOO MUCH COFFEE I DRANK TO COUNTERACT THE TOO MUCH FREE TIME I HAVE TO FUCK AROUND ON THIS DAMN WEBSITE!' He appears to be loosing his mind, sources say.