thanks to everyone for the support.
this whole deployment thing is looming big in my brain. even more so than the last one considering the location. for the first few days I had trouble sleeping because it was constantly running through my head all the things I needed to do and how pissed off I was that all my plans for what I wanted to do this year were out the window. twice in three years activated. three times in four. crazy. the boiling brain syndrome has reduced heat down to simmer. I slept allright the last couple of nights, probably because I was off from work so I could 1) Drink until I was something other than sober and then continue drinking and 2) go to bed when it was still dark outside, something I do not get to do when I'm working since I get off of work at 730am.
I'm also realizing that while I don't have a lot of time. I do still have 6 weeks before I am going anywhere...far too soon for final goodbyes and hang wringing and worrying.
just need to get shit done. get my stuff BACK into storage. gah. call certain things (cell phone, internet etc) and let them know what's up so they won't bill me while I am in Iraq. gotta find a home for my brat of a cat. all these little things that distract from the enormity of being sent over there.
what gets me is that my family and I don't go out of our way to spend time together. I care about them (mostly) but I don't feel particularly compelled to spend time around them, but now they all want to spend time before I go away. I'm only going to be gone for a year. I've gone longer than that between seeing most of them even when I wasn't in the military. strange people.
and the questions: am I proud to serve or am I angry that I have to go?
I didn't join for pride or for belonging. I did it because it was something I wanted to do as myself. the ideal I hold is flexibility and balance and understanding and trying variety, challange.
it led me to this. oh well. so be it. given the option I'd certainly not go...not for this pay. but this isn't an option I'm given. it's something I signed into. so I go.
I probably didn't give it enough thought. or rather I over thought it and got esoterical and overlooked the harsher reality. but I don't mind particularly.
I do have to say I don't find the prospect of getting blown up by some impersonal improvised landmine while driving to deliver some water very appealing.
being shot at is one thing. I'm trained to deal with that at least. but these roadside bombss. fuck that. not to mention I can't help but think of a friend of the family who went over last time we did this and came back with a weird nervous system ailment that's now just called Gulf War Syndrome. that worries me.
but all the worries get pushed aside because there are things to do. take it as it comes. move with it and through it...you know...all that taosit zen shit.
and somewhere in the middle of all this I seemed to have passed 5000 comments
"5000 comets! you passed 5000 commets! I need to meet your proctologist...not to mention your astronomer!"
bwahhaha!
anyhow..counting back. it seems I posted the milestone on ..well...of course...
girl's journal.
er gave me this headache and now..I give it to all of you.
this whole deployment thing is looming big in my brain. even more so than the last one considering the location. for the first few days I had trouble sleeping because it was constantly running through my head all the things I needed to do and how pissed off I was that all my plans for what I wanted to do this year were out the window. twice in three years activated. three times in four. crazy. the boiling brain syndrome has reduced heat down to simmer. I slept allright the last couple of nights, probably because I was off from work so I could 1) Drink until I was something other than sober and then continue drinking and 2) go to bed when it was still dark outside, something I do not get to do when I'm working since I get off of work at 730am.
I'm also realizing that while I don't have a lot of time. I do still have 6 weeks before I am going anywhere...far too soon for final goodbyes and hang wringing and worrying.
just need to get shit done. get my stuff BACK into storage. gah. call certain things (cell phone, internet etc) and let them know what's up so they won't bill me while I am in Iraq. gotta find a home for my brat of a cat. all these little things that distract from the enormity of being sent over there.
what gets me is that my family and I don't go out of our way to spend time together. I care about them (mostly) but I don't feel particularly compelled to spend time around them, but now they all want to spend time before I go away. I'm only going to be gone for a year. I've gone longer than that between seeing most of them even when I wasn't in the military. strange people.
and the questions: am I proud to serve or am I angry that I have to go?
I didn't join for pride or for belonging. I did it because it was something I wanted to do as myself. the ideal I hold is flexibility and balance and understanding and trying variety, challange.
it led me to this. oh well. so be it. given the option I'd certainly not go...not for this pay. but this isn't an option I'm given. it's something I signed into. so I go.
I probably didn't give it enough thought. or rather I over thought it and got esoterical and overlooked the harsher reality. but I don't mind particularly.
I do have to say I don't find the prospect of getting blown up by some impersonal improvised landmine while driving to deliver some water very appealing.
being shot at is one thing. I'm trained to deal with that at least. but these roadside bombss. fuck that. not to mention I can't help but think of a friend of the family who went over last time we did this and came back with a weird nervous system ailment that's now just called Gulf War Syndrome. that worries me.
but all the worries get pushed aside because there are things to do. take it as it comes. move with it and through it...you know...all that taosit zen shit.
and somewhere in the middle of all this I seemed to have passed 5000 comments
"5000 comets! you passed 5000 commets! I need to meet your proctologist...not to mention your astronomer!"
bwahhaha!
anyhow..counting back. it seems I posted the milestone on ..well...of course...
girl's journal.
er gave me this headache and now..I give it to all of you.
VIEW 22 of 22 COMMENTS
voltaire:
please be carefull in Iraq... and deffinetly keep in touch via snail mail... or whatever if you have a better idea... I will really miss you around here. and I will really be worried about you while you are gone.
abracapocus:
I thought I came across that image online while I was doing research for a tattoo. Not just similar, but that exact one (99% sure about it). Maybe the artist posted that pic online? It's possible it came up in some Google search I did as well, and maybe straight from SG. Nice work though