I think I've figured myself out. I want what I can't have, and once I get it, I don't want it anymore. I want guys that are unobtainable, and if I get them, they get boring. I guess I like it when a guy is an egotistical asshole and ignores me, because god knows as soon as one is nice to me, I don't want...
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Sooo, last night was fun as shit! Got drunk for the first time in a month and went to go see Whole Wheat Bread who fucking RAWKED! Got wasted, bought a hoodie, and then the band stayed with us at my friend Sarah's house. It was awesome.
My tummy hurts now though, many pictures and stuff to come, esp since I'm having a paarrttyyy tonight!
My tummy hurts now though, many pictures and stuff to come, esp since I'm having a paarrttyyy tonight!
So there's this boy I wanna make out with soooo bad at work. And I just found out that he is a boy. He's 17. OMG he doesn't look it.... I still wanna make out with him.
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phrogg:
That happened to me once (and only once) when I was 17. She was like 21. 
If he's anything like me, I doubt he would object in the slightest! 
If he's anything like me, I doubt he would object in the slightest! 
thefox:
17 is the legal age of consent.
Rock it, girl.
Rock it, girl.
I've been weird lately. My mind had been kind of... off. It's hard to describe. Since my grandpa died, I haven't felt the same. At first, I was hysterical. Then, I went catatonic for days. Now, I just feel callous. I feel completely unsympathetic to anyone and everyone, and am finding it hard to feel compassion, or trust, and anything genuine for anyone. I guess...
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lego_:
You're right-- it's just part of the grieving process. It's been quite a stressful experience for you and your mind is finding ways to release it. The important thing is to take the time to do that and not to feel guilty about it, but make sure you don't use it as a license to be an asshole. I'm sure you won't, but y'know... some people do...
thefox:
The stages of grief:
1. Denial : "It can't be happening."
2. Anger : "Why ME? It's not fair?!" (either referring to God, oneself, or anybody perceived, rightly or wrongly, as "responsible")
3. Bargaining : "Just let me live to see my son graduate."
4. Depression : "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
5. Acceptance : "It's going to be OK."
Honestly, I would put off any heavy drinking for a while, until you feel normal, again. I mean, drinking a little is fine, but to not drink for a month and then jump straight into drinking heavily is a bit much - it's like going on a strict diet and then eating a gallon of icecream: you undo everything you did, and it puts you straight back into old habits.
My advice would be to have one, maybe two drinks when you get back into drinking - and spread them out over a decent period of time so that you're buzzed, but not drunk. And if your friends can't understand why, then fuck 'em - they should support you. I feel like it's too easy to try using alcohol to self-medicate, which would make dealing with your grandfather's death even more difficult. I know that's not what you are setting out to do - but once you start, in this state of mind, there's no telling what might happen. Go slow, and surround yourself with people who understand and respect you.
Working through grief sucks... but it happens to everyone, in very different ways. I agree with Lego - take your time and don't feel guilty. *kisses* Call me if you need anything.
1. Denial : "It can't be happening."
2. Anger : "Why ME? It's not fair?!" (either referring to God, oneself, or anybody perceived, rightly or wrongly, as "responsible")
3. Bargaining : "Just let me live to see my son graduate."
4. Depression : "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
5. Acceptance : "It's going to be OK."
Honestly, I would put off any heavy drinking for a while, until you feel normal, again. I mean, drinking a little is fine, but to not drink for a month and then jump straight into drinking heavily is a bit much - it's like going on a strict diet and then eating a gallon of icecream: you undo everything you did, and it puts you straight back into old habits.
My advice would be to have one, maybe two drinks when you get back into drinking - and spread them out over a decent period of time so that you're buzzed, but not drunk. And if your friends can't understand why, then fuck 'em - they should support you. I feel like it's too easy to try using alcohol to self-medicate, which would make dealing with your grandfather's death even more difficult. I know that's not what you are setting out to do - but once you start, in this state of mind, there's no telling what might happen. Go slow, and surround yourself with people who understand and respect you.
Working through grief sucks... but it happens to everyone, in very different ways. I agree with Lego - take your time and don't feel guilty. *kisses* Call me if you need anything.
Oh baby dont you know I suffer?
Oh baby can you hear me moan?
You caught me under false pretences
How long before you let me go?
Oh baby can you hear me moan?
You caught me under false pretences
How long before you let me go?
Jeebus.
It's early.
Stupid class.
It's early.
Stupid class.
I love my friends. Carolyn is throwing me a party to celebrate my return to drinking alcohol! You can expect more drunken blog entries and silly drunk tales! the party is the 31st, so all who are interested are invited! muahaha.
figmentation:
YAY! Drinking!!!!
YAY! not over doing it!!!!
YAY! not over doing it!!!!
Well, I'm done with Shade. Well, he doesn't really know it yet, but it's hard to break up with someone who will disappear for like 4 days at a time and not answer the phone when you call or call you back. I thought this last turn around for the better would last. I guess not. Oh well, I'm not too upset about it. I'm...
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I've been a bad, bad girl. Help?
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thefox:
whatcha need help with? If it's relationship crap and you fucked up, I'm good at that - I've done lots of shitty things to boys.
I'm probably helpful with other things, too...
I'm probably helpful with other things, too...
lego_:
Well, I'm sure there's a few of us here for you if you need us. Come to think of it, I'll be in Raleigh next month, so I'll be... uh, there for you.
I've gotten myself in quite the predicament, and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to get out of it.
thefox:
Need help?
Well, today started out pretty well, Shade took me out to lunch to make up for being a complete ass to me all week (which it doesn't make up for it) and me and Ash rawked some Guitar Hero, then I went to work, and it was a pretty decent night. I somehow ended up in a text message argument with Shade, which is completely...
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figmentation:
give him some space.
Give you some space.
breathe
(and come have dinner with me, I'm FAMISHED! and would enjoy the company)
As for the decorating, I';m a big fan of the red and brown, and neutral (not white ) wall combo.
leather and wood, Velvet and metal with some taffeta tossed in as hints. A good rug (rugs= good things)
yea. stuff.
food? yes. food. *meanders off*
sorry. distracted... see you.
Give you some space.
breathe
(and come have dinner with me, I'm FAMISHED! and would enjoy the company)
As for the decorating, I';m a big fan of the red and brown, and neutral (not white ) wall combo.
leather and wood, Velvet and metal with some taffeta tossed in as hints. A good rug (rugs= good things)
yea. stuff.
food? yes. food. *meanders off*
sorry. distracted... see you.
But at least you conquered that shit!