I'm going to begin this by saying two things, a disclaimer of sorts, if you will.
A) This will be filled with my opinions. Take them as you will
B) While I will reference people/events/circumstances in my life, I name no names. Please don't take offense, if you feel you are cast in a bad light. See (A) if you are
I am 19. I've lived long enough to make mistakes and regret them; Note: I said regret, not learn from them. I still repeat some things that people see as mistakes, and I repeat them because I am either too dumb to avoid it, or still have some hope in whatever is the mistake.
I am NOT perfect. Read that again and understand that if I ever claim to be, you have every right to correct me, and I expect you to.
I am also NOT a child. Yes, I come off as naive from time to time; Yes, I can be immature, playful, unknowing...etc. However, I have seen darker sides of life that some of you will never see. I don't expect pity, and I don't want to be patronized. Respect me, and you'll recieve the same. It makes me sad to know there are people in the world who become so stuck up that everyone who isn't them and hasn't had their experiences isn't worthy. Elitists are frightening.
I am fucked up in my own little way. I've addressed some of what I've done in previous entries, so I'm not going into the full scope of any problems or difficulties. Know this, though: Each of you have your own little demons, even if you don't acknowledge them. DON'T CALL ME A FREAK. I am strange, yes. Conflicted, confused, conniving, and a whole load more of adjectives. I've come to terms with it.
I am difficult. Stubborn. Angsty. Full of rage. Working on an ulcer. I have, as previously stated, seen my fair share, and I don't really expect (or want) your rants of frustration when I am presented a solution I have already tried. (Asinine, I know, but this needed to be said.) I have attempted many different solutions. Some have worked for a time, and then have stopped working as well. Donc, Je les ai abondonn. I never expected your help, and I feel bad that you get frustrated, but I've not been able to do some things that I know have helped. I've gone cold turkey for you all.(Now don't you feel special) I do need an ear from time to time, I admit that much. Just not neccesarily advice.
I am a Hypocrite. I make a lot of decisions that make as much sense inside as they do outwardly (i.e. none). I do things because I want to, and because I see a possible reason/need to. Like going after people who are most likely lost to me, or having casual sex. I don't offer an explanation, because in all honesty, I can't justify the first, and the second involves a twisted reasoning. However, there are none in the world who are not/have not been hypocrites in some fashion or another. Please don't claim otherwise.
I wear my bruises like badges: Don't expect less. I finally came to terms with things in my life, and I now see my problems as important facets of my personality. I know it can make people uncomfortable, but it is who I am.
I get over things slowly: A lot of things in my life have had profound impacts, and I still need to reflect on them.
I care too much: I am an admitted bleeding heart, and I would rather get hurt than see my friends (close or not) suffer. Call me overprotective, I call it loyal.
I get fixated on things: I obsess over them quietly and overtly for varying periods of time.
I don't eat healthy, or do things I should. That's my choice.
I put a lot of pressure on myself, and have super-high expectations of both myself and others. I'm working on changing that.
There are things I can't abide in this world, and its almost funny that I fulfill some of the requirements. Read back a few paragraphs, and you'll see. Here are some specifics. I'll try and avoid coming off as too bad of a person here, or too elite.
-Elitists: No one is perfect, not me, not you. No human will meet your standards unless you broaden them.
-Close-minded people: Yes, turning a blind eye can be helpful, but not always. Pay attention to life, and all its aspects, because ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away.
-Non-conformity for the sake of non-conformity: Rebelling because its cool doesn't make it rebellion. Follow your heart, not what you are told by others.
-People who live for other people: I bury myself in others' problems in order to avoid my own (I do care about their problems, too.) Its not a really good thing.
-People who act fucked up to get attention: I turned out to actually have problems-isn't it a little rude to act like you do so you can be looked at, or to put on a visibly distraught look for attention?
-Liars: Me too, I try and keep more and more straight in my life, but every once in a while, a white lie slips out.
-Stereotypes: The people who are the image of their group-Uniqueness exists for a reason.
-Two-Faces: Me, but not in the way most think. I just don't like those that are nice to people's faces, and shitty to their backs.
-The fearful: Too many good people get swallowed by doubt.
-Rudeness: I have heard so few people acknowledge a sneeze, and even words like "excuse me" or "thank you" seem to be used less and less. Courtesty is amazing, people. A smile can be one of the best things in the world.
-Those who feel the need to bring politics/religion into everything: Not every issue or part of the world is vested in those two sectors.
-Putting your thumb in everyone's pies: Sometimes, knowing less can be good.
-Preachers (ordained and not): Don't try and force your beliefs on me, Please.
-Sexuality rants: People, whether they are predestined to be gay/bi/lesbian/etc. or whether they choose to be (I don't have an opinion on that) have their rights to have it left alone. I would be fairly certain that I wouldn't want my sexuality spoken of by someone who isn't me. (But then again, I've got a few stories behind mine as well)
Whoo. Thats enough.
To my friends: Short of singling you out by name, I put all of you through way too much, and you don't deserve my behavior more often than not. Thank you so much for putting up with me, and I only wish I had your patience. True, I've lost touch with many of you, and been an asshole to all of you at least more than once. For that, I'm sorry. Those of you who feel left out, know you are not forgotten.
A) This will be filled with my opinions. Take them as you will
B) While I will reference people/events/circumstances in my life, I name no names. Please don't take offense, if you feel you are cast in a bad light. See (A) if you are
I am 19. I've lived long enough to make mistakes and regret them; Note: I said regret, not learn from them. I still repeat some things that people see as mistakes, and I repeat them because I am either too dumb to avoid it, or still have some hope in whatever is the mistake.
I am NOT perfect. Read that again and understand that if I ever claim to be, you have every right to correct me, and I expect you to.
I am also NOT a child. Yes, I come off as naive from time to time; Yes, I can be immature, playful, unknowing...etc. However, I have seen darker sides of life that some of you will never see. I don't expect pity, and I don't want to be patronized. Respect me, and you'll recieve the same. It makes me sad to know there are people in the world who become so stuck up that everyone who isn't them and hasn't had their experiences isn't worthy. Elitists are frightening.
I am fucked up in my own little way. I've addressed some of what I've done in previous entries, so I'm not going into the full scope of any problems or difficulties. Know this, though: Each of you have your own little demons, even if you don't acknowledge them. DON'T CALL ME A FREAK. I am strange, yes. Conflicted, confused, conniving, and a whole load more of adjectives. I've come to terms with it.
I am difficult. Stubborn. Angsty. Full of rage. Working on an ulcer. I have, as previously stated, seen my fair share, and I don't really expect (or want) your rants of frustration when I am presented a solution I have already tried. (Asinine, I know, but this needed to be said.) I have attempted many different solutions. Some have worked for a time, and then have stopped working as well. Donc, Je les ai abondonn. I never expected your help, and I feel bad that you get frustrated, but I've not been able to do some things that I know have helped. I've gone cold turkey for you all.(Now don't you feel special) I do need an ear from time to time, I admit that much. Just not neccesarily advice.
I am a Hypocrite. I make a lot of decisions that make as much sense inside as they do outwardly (i.e. none). I do things because I want to, and because I see a possible reason/need to. Like going after people who are most likely lost to me, or having casual sex. I don't offer an explanation, because in all honesty, I can't justify the first, and the second involves a twisted reasoning. However, there are none in the world who are not/have not been hypocrites in some fashion or another. Please don't claim otherwise.
I wear my bruises like badges: Don't expect less. I finally came to terms with things in my life, and I now see my problems as important facets of my personality. I know it can make people uncomfortable, but it is who I am.
I get over things slowly: A lot of things in my life have had profound impacts, and I still need to reflect on them.
I care too much: I am an admitted bleeding heart, and I would rather get hurt than see my friends (close or not) suffer. Call me overprotective, I call it loyal.
I get fixated on things: I obsess over them quietly and overtly for varying periods of time.
I don't eat healthy, or do things I should. That's my choice.
I put a lot of pressure on myself, and have super-high expectations of both myself and others. I'm working on changing that.
There are things I can't abide in this world, and its almost funny that I fulfill some of the requirements. Read back a few paragraphs, and you'll see. Here are some specifics. I'll try and avoid coming off as too bad of a person here, or too elite.
-Elitists: No one is perfect, not me, not you. No human will meet your standards unless you broaden them.
-Close-minded people: Yes, turning a blind eye can be helpful, but not always. Pay attention to life, and all its aspects, because ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away.
-Non-conformity for the sake of non-conformity: Rebelling because its cool doesn't make it rebellion. Follow your heart, not what you are told by others.
-People who live for other people: I bury myself in others' problems in order to avoid my own (I do care about their problems, too.) Its not a really good thing.
-People who act fucked up to get attention: I turned out to actually have problems-isn't it a little rude to act like you do so you can be looked at, or to put on a visibly distraught look for attention?
-Liars: Me too, I try and keep more and more straight in my life, but every once in a while, a white lie slips out.
-Stereotypes: The people who are the image of their group-Uniqueness exists for a reason.
-Two-Faces: Me, but not in the way most think. I just don't like those that are nice to people's faces, and shitty to their backs.
-The fearful: Too many good people get swallowed by doubt.
-Rudeness: I have heard so few people acknowledge a sneeze, and even words like "excuse me" or "thank you" seem to be used less and less. Courtesty is amazing, people. A smile can be one of the best things in the world.
-Those who feel the need to bring politics/religion into everything: Not every issue or part of the world is vested in those two sectors.
-Putting your thumb in everyone's pies: Sometimes, knowing less can be good.
-Preachers (ordained and not): Don't try and force your beliefs on me, Please.
-Sexuality rants: People, whether they are predestined to be gay/bi/lesbian/etc. or whether they choose to be (I don't have an opinion on that) have their rights to have it left alone. I would be fairly certain that I wouldn't want my sexuality spoken of by someone who isn't me. (But then again, I've got a few stories behind mine as well)
Whoo. Thats enough.
To my friends: Short of singling you out by name, I put all of you through way too much, and you don't deserve my behavior more often than not. Thank you so much for putting up with me, and I only wish I had your patience. True, I've lost touch with many of you, and been an asshole to all of you at least more than once. For that, I'm sorry. Those of you who feel left out, know you are not forgotten.