I know in my journals I may sound like a man hating girl who blames all of her problems on everyone else, and that is really not the case. I use my journals as a way to vent my frusterations that really occur in relationships as I know similiar things happen to men with women. I don't try to fabricate too much in here, as you are reading about things in my life as they are happening to me...
I know that most of my problems with men have to do with my bad decisions and the way i handle things. Also because I'm gradually learning the drastic genetic and emotional differences in the way that men and women think.
I'm really into reading self help books right now. I'm reading this one right now that represents the epidomy of who I am and it's really quite scary. It's called "How to Stop Disappearing and Start Being Yourself: Loving Him Without Losing you"
Sounds cheesy, but it i realize that everytime I start to have feelings for a guy, or I get into a relationship it really takes up a lot of energy and time away from more important things in my life. How I can go along with things I don't believe in, in a relationship to not lose a connection with someone I love because it is the very core of what makes me who i am. It's very dangerous to identify who you are with someone else, but it happens with women all the time. It happens to me all the time no matter what i do to try to prevent that.
If you look at children at a young age, young girls are brought up to follow this fairy tail fantasy of finding this love, and learn to be in love with LOVE. The message that our life won't really begin until we meet that special man who will sweep us off our feet and transform our life. You see young girls play 'wedding' or 'house' and fantasize about being married, but when was the last time you saw a young boy fantasizing about getting married? Girls are conditioned to fanatsize romantic and boys are conditioned to fantasize about sex,
Women are addicted to male approval A girl will primp and worry about her weight and wear uncomfortable clothes and waits patiently to get a look of approval or a remark, to make her feel like she is worth something. Even the most self-suffient, successful and intelligent women do this.
And this is where this book really relates to me right now, about my little issue of not being able to have sex without being emotional about it.
"the average woman to become sexually involeve must lower her defenses and allow herself to become VULNERABLE" Most men are capable of having sex with someone without going through this process. Men can more easiely have sex while their emotional walls are up, so they usually don't have the problem of losing themselves. NOT ONLY DOES THE AVERAGE WOMAN NEED TO BECOME VUNERABLE TO HAVE SEX, SHE ALSO CONTINUES TO OPEN UP EACH TIME SHE REPEATS THE ACT WITH SOMEONE. THE CLOSER SHE BECOMES PHYSICALLY THE MORE SHE INVOLVED SHE IS EMOTIONALLY. THE VERY ACT OF SEXUAL ENTERCOURSE A WOMAN IS FACING THE POSSIBILITY OF CONCEPTION AND FACING A POTENTIAL NEW LIFE."
interesting stuff! Supposedly if I read this book and follow the exercises, I will experience changes in my beliefs about men and women and my understanding of what a relationship is supposed to be, and my self image and all of this will add up to me no longer being a disappearing woman anymore who gives up parts of myself because of my desire to be with a man... And honestly I'm starting to feel better already!
I know that most of my problems with men have to do with my bad decisions and the way i handle things. Also because I'm gradually learning the drastic genetic and emotional differences in the way that men and women think.
I'm really into reading self help books right now. I'm reading this one right now that represents the epidomy of who I am and it's really quite scary. It's called "How to Stop Disappearing and Start Being Yourself: Loving Him Without Losing you"
Sounds cheesy, but it i realize that everytime I start to have feelings for a guy, or I get into a relationship it really takes up a lot of energy and time away from more important things in my life. How I can go along with things I don't believe in, in a relationship to not lose a connection with someone I love because it is the very core of what makes me who i am. It's very dangerous to identify who you are with someone else, but it happens with women all the time. It happens to me all the time no matter what i do to try to prevent that.
If you look at children at a young age, young girls are brought up to follow this fairy tail fantasy of finding this love, and learn to be in love with LOVE. The message that our life won't really begin until we meet that special man who will sweep us off our feet and transform our life. You see young girls play 'wedding' or 'house' and fantasize about being married, but when was the last time you saw a young boy fantasizing about getting married? Girls are conditioned to fanatsize romantic and boys are conditioned to fantasize about sex,
Women are addicted to male approval A girl will primp and worry about her weight and wear uncomfortable clothes and waits patiently to get a look of approval or a remark, to make her feel like she is worth something. Even the most self-suffient, successful and intelligent women do this.
And this is where this book really relates to me right now, about my little issue of not being able to have sex without being emotional about it.
"the average woman to become sexually involeve must lower her defenses and allow herself to become VULNERABLE" Most men are capable of having sex with someone without going through this process. Men can more easiely have sex while their emotional walls are up, so they usually don't have the problem of losing themselves. NOT ONLY DOES THE AVERAGE WOMAN NEED TO BECOME VUNERABLE TO HAVE SEX, SHE ALSO CONTINUES TO OPEN UP EACH TIME SHE REPEATS THE ACT WITH SOMEONE. THE CLOSER SHE BECOMES PHYSICALLY THE MORE SHE INVOLVED SHE IS EMOTIONALLY. THE VERY ACT OF SEXUAL ENTERCOURSE A WOMAN IS FACING THE POSSIBILITY OF CONCEPTION AND FACING A POTENTIAL NEW LIFE."
interesting stuff! Supposedly if I read this book and follow the exercises, I will experience changes in my beliefs about men and women and my understanding of what a relationship is supposed to be, and my self image and all of this will add up to me no longer being a disappearing woman anymore who gives up parts of myself because of my desire to be with a man... And honestly I'm starting to feel better already!
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
No matter how much you try to fight it, the one person that will be in you life longer than anyone else in this world is YOU. So if YOU have no need to better yourself, then YOU will be very bored and miserable later in life. In many ways you are your own best friend. And you're betraying that friendship when you pretend liek it doesn't need to be worked on.
Self-help books are usually a phase. But self-help isn't. Violet has specific parts of her life that have gone from being fun little pasttimes to emotionally wrenching patterns and she doesn't want to thrust herself into the same scenario all over again without at least examing her participation in it. Your body and your mind are more intrinsically involved than you might care to think. The hardest battles you will ever go through are always those between heart and mind. The more these two can live in harmony, the better off you'll be.
I genuinely think a big part of finding your own individuality and TRULY being in control of your own happiness and independence lies not necessarily being alone, but at least being involved with someone that actively promotes that independece in you. It's a two-way relationship. Even if you're fighting to maintain your own self-reliance, if you're with someone that condones or promotes falling back into those emotional ruts, then you're back where you started and you feel like you failed yourself. No good. Meaningful relationships require a great deal of responsibility for each other's feelings. If you feel a certain way about someone, don't be afraid to tell them and don't be afraid to tell yourself. If it's there, it's there. If someone knows how much they mean to you, they're more liekly to re-evaluate exactly how they feel about you and will at least be more aware of exactly what their actions might suggest.
OK, I rambled way, way too long. I'm really not an expert on these kinds of things, I'm only speaking from personal experience. Hope you got something from it besides a headache and eye strain.
Good night,
LM