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violet

Enumclaw, WA

SG Since 2002

Followers 636 Following 42

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Monday Mar 10, 2003

Mar 9, 2003
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i am so depressed right now, I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to talk to anyone. All i can do is sit here and mope. I just sleep all the time. And I can't figure out what's wrong. Everything makes me cry, I have so much homework I can't see straight...and shit just ain't right.
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photo_obscura:
Sweetie, watch High Fidelity- that will lift your spirits a little smile I understand what it's like to feel like that though- doesn't it just feel like it gets worse and worse, liek you get to a point where you can't even be like 'okay I'm going to do... THIS' like you can't think at all...

But just take it easy- stay in, watch movies, listen to music you like, eat food you know is bad for you with no cares for the calorie value, maybe do some 'retail therapy' online if youre feeling wreckless, and just chill-

Don't feel like you have to feel better in a hurry- just let it run its course...

best wishes

x
Mar 9, 2003
violet:
Yea i guess i feel a little better today, but for the last three days, the littlest things have set me off into a whirlwind of crazy behavior. Endless tears, balling for hours, anger, sadness, and the worst physical pain. I just feel sick, drained, depressed, and the worst things is, I don't know what the reason is, cause it changes every day.
My actions are getting psycho, For example calling and emailing this boy like 2-3 times a day. This isn't like me, I have nevr acted this way before, I really feel like I'm not myself.,and it's almost like I don't have control over my emotions. I was so upset last night, and feeling physically ill, that I had to masturbate like 27 times while i was sobbing to get the pain in my chest to go away so i could fall asleep. And had to force myself to think of lovely sarah mclauchlin lyrics so that my head didn't wander over crazy thoughts.

It really sucks to feel like I temporarily went crazy. Could it be the fact this is the week before finals week of a 20 credit quarter? Could it be, that my body is just now getting used to a new birthcontrol since it is the second month i have taken it, and i was four days into my second pack, so my body could be adjusting after not having it for a week? Or could it be that my poor little brain is out of seratonin because of all the ecstasy I did when I turned 18, which equals about oh um 50 pills?

well the good news is, i'm feeling a lot more like myself today.
Mar 10, 2003

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