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violet

Enumclaw, WA

SG Since 2002

Followers 636 Following 42

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Tuesday Jan 11, 2005

Jan 11, 2005
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oh what a day... i had three drinks last night, and woke up with the WORST hangover ever. I didn't really get active until 2 or 3pm, i spent the day cleaning and crying. go figure.

i almost broke up with my boyfriend over the whole "love" thing, and then i talked to a friend who told me that was a silly idea. He knocked some sense into me... he told me to wait until our one year anniversary,t hen tell him I love him, and if he doesn't say it then we can have the talk. So I went from writing a letter and almost breaking up with him, to suprising him with a candle lit dinner.

He never knew a thing. He seemed very appreciative, and he said "baby you have been doing such nice things for me lately, are you cheating on me? " My reaction was "no i'm just not stressed out anymore, this is me when I am self employed"

Which is true, I was working 12 hours a day before 6 days a week.

So here is what I figured out:
I think I really realize why he isn't in love, or why he hasn't been. I am a complete monster when I 'm working 12 hours a day, I was neglecting him, being exhausted all the time, being grumpy all the time, and being very needy.

Now that I'm not stressed out, i give him all the freedom in the world to hang out with his friends and not bitch about things, I feel inspired to do sweet suprises for him, and just be very spontaneous and exciting, and very happy with myself and my life, instead of being an asshole all the time.

So if I keep being this happy person, who is doing what I love, giving him the attention that he needs... that he will notice the change and his feelings will come out. And I know this because its already starting to happen, he is becoming more attentive and loving.

MAN I"M SO HAPPY I FIGURED it all out, and to think I almost irrationally ended one of the best relationships of my life.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
khalista:
Do what feels right, as long as you're happy. Its so great that this relationship is so important to you... just remember he is as lucky to have you as you feel you are to have him. Some guys just fear the "L" word, it doesn't mean they don't feel it. You seem really happy with him and I am glad you didn't break up with him. Do talk to him first if he doesn't say it after your anniversary, give him a chance to explain before dumping him. When is your anniversary?

I am glad you are happy. kiss
Jan 11, 2005
devi1gir1666:
I find it odd that I feel the way you did when you were overworked, and I'm unemployed. I suppose they could attribute to the same types of stress. Right now I feel like I'm going insane.

I'm glad to hear you took your feelings and turned them around to do something sweet. Sometimes I feel that when you do something to make someone else feel good, it makes you feel awesome in the long run. Love is such a trivial word. If you feel it, say it. If he doesn't return it, don't worry about it. It's not something that has to be said....you'll know if he feels it.

You are awesome, and yes, I am sweet. kiss
Jan 11, 2005

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