violet

I just had a fun couple days hanging out with bobby. we are finally officially 'seeing each other" now.' I am happy, but still a bit confused about what it all means.

We got to a point in our fuck buddy relationship where I couldn't handle just being fuck buddies anymore and I gave him some options 1) be friends 2) be cuddle buddies 3) or be "together" continue having sex, but only until i move in June.

We decided that we can't go back to being just friends because we have tried it so many times, and our sexual connection is so strong and comfortable and amazing that we really don't want to stop it nor are we capable if we ever drink around each other... But me as an emotional being, i can't give myself ot him w/o having feelings... so it's like what to do? what to do!?

He says to me the last thing on earth he wants is a girlfriend....(and I think a guy says that is it's because he doesn't think i'm girlfriend material....)
which honestly makes me feel like shit. and I think is bullshit. But I am starting to think that anyone who can't see that I am girlfriend material...doesn't deserve me anyway.

But does it mean I should stop seeing him altogether? Am I putting too much emphasis on labels? I mean we are committed to each other in all ways now, isn't that the same thing as being boyfriend girlfriend? Is friendship with sex with someone I'm monogmous really worth quitting?

I know that when I move away this summer, and he loses me for good he will probably realize what he has now.. I mean come on now, a girl who totally adores him, who is romantic and sweet, who is not bad looking, who gives him all the best sex he has ever had? a supremely close friendship....
what seems to be the problem?

So I look at this situation and I think to myself maybe he isn't really serious boyfriend material. Obviously because he doesn't feel the same way about me as I do for him. but at least now that we are "seeing each other" opposed to fuck buddies ...i can go to bed at night knowing he isn't out there looking to hooking up with other chicks

He admitted to me that he hadn't hooked up with anyone over the last two months, that he was content enough with me to not have the drive and go out there and look for someone else. Is that a compliment? I can't tell. But it makes me feel better.

I think i have been hooking up with way more people than he has in the last two months anyway.

so i guess what this 'seeing each other' means i suppose is just not dating anyone else, but not necessarily bf/gf either. it's a step, it took eight months to get to this point. but it's a step. maybe now I won't worry about him hooking up w/ other girls so much. Maybe now I will stop crying about the fact that he isn't in love with me. Maybe i will stop feeling so empty. But honestly, if he is so gung ho on keeping his options open, it really tells me someting about him.

I don't know what it tells me but it tells me something.

Men confuse me, YOu mix the best sex you have ever had, with a best friendship, with a 20 year old boy who doesn't know who he is or what he wants and how could I expect anything different? A situation with no labels.

Should I be ok with this? I don't know yet.