Tuesday Dec 10, 2002

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i'm once again an emotional wreck this unrequited love business I put myself in makes me a rollercoaster of emotions and the littlest thing sets me off..

I found out that this boy that I am in love has recently found me unattractive because he saw me smoking a cigarette . i feel like shit about this. I only smoke when i drink which equals out to once a month.... but I had no idea that this was gonna make him not attracted to me. he said "..when i remember you smoking that is pretty much turns me off" ugh...

I don't tihnk I will ever smoke another cig again.

but i'm still sad. I didn't mean to be repulsive.... the worst part is i can't believe how upset i am about something so trivial...I swear to god if these mood swings keep up i'm going on anti-depressents...
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
escapegoat:
evryone has great points here i think.....um......... well i smoke and people who bitch about smoking i guess have the right to...............but for this boy to pass judgement over one cigarette is shallow........fuck him........you want more depth and or someone with some kind of depth that will talk to you about it..........that was a jerky comment of his...................................now........does this boy know you like him?..........and how much?..............and why did you go silly over this boy? (whats it based on?).................so like it does sound like there are some core issues to address in your camp...........one should not let somebody else complete their own hapiness.........thats called co-dependency.........find hapiness on your own.......then if you find someone who is happy on their own and just happens to like to dance, then dance.....if the dance just happens to end, then hey you danced for awhile........jezus i think i should quit writing......maybe im saying this stuff to remind me........to remind myself whats ideal.............oh......steer clear of the pills for awhile and see if you can find a conselor......
monkeypox:
hummmm. i have to admit that for myself cigarettes are big turn off. however my girlfriend smokes occasionally and i still love her, and shes sexy as hell.

many people i know find cigarettes very attractive. just look how many sg sets include smoking

there are many things that all of our loved ones do that bug, annoy or turn us off. (i dont do the dishes as often as my girlfriend would like) but these are just part of our collective beings. if this boy is bothered by the smoking (and its his right to be) he needs to realize that its just one of your many components. if this one thing is big enough to taint his over all view of you, maybe its him who should seek counceling.

youve been getting some good advice in the above comments. dont let anybody elses opinion of you or your habbits (especially if its only an occasional occurance which you dont intend to keep up) effect the way you feel and think about yourself. its normal when your "basically madly in love" with someone to want to please them, but remember any relationship that is worth a damn, requires that compramises be made by all the parties involved, not just you.

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