violently

Went to go see him last night. Nothing was talked about, I just acted like I was visiting any one of my friends that I have no sexually emotional feelings for. For some reason he was being all cuddly and cute, and holding my hand and whatnot. Ended up passing out next to each other. Ok.

Then this morning I tried to put the moves on him and he totally denied me. Like we started to hook up and then he just STOPPED. WTF? So I joked about it and he was like I just don't feel like it. Okay, I guess. I have no idea what to think. So then I left and he walked me to the door and hugged me and kissed my cheek, and that weirded me out too. So I hugged him back and then kissed him on the lips and that was it, it was like see you later.

I have no fucking clue what to think. I mean I know we are both going through a lot right now, me looking and starting new jobs, and he's looking for a job and we're both really stressed out. So I don't know. I guess I should just back off for a few days and see what happens, I just hate being in limbo like this. I feel sick to my stomach, it's been in knots all morning and I just wish I knew what was up. I wish I could just stop caring. All I want is for him to hug me and tell me he loves me. I could handle this if I knew we were ok, I mean maybe he thinks we are, but I feel sick.

I don't know what to do. I need a fucking hug still.