vim

i normally savor the sweet, flowery smell of my own farts...don't we all...but not today baby....not today.....if you ever, uncontrollably set loose a curry-infused-ass-bomb while in the midst of conversation with two luscious beauties.....then my dear friend, its time to rethink your habitual consumption of Indian food.

Tess set her martini down on my brand spankin' new redwood deck yesterday...anyhoo, the sweltering, demon sun glared through the spherical base of the martini glass and CAUGHT MY BRAND FUCKING NEW REDWOOD DECK ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....ON.....FIRE!!!!!!!



oh don't worry...she got a top-notch, full-swing, power-spanking...skirt up/knickers down.



beach house 'til tuesday.....everyone have a safe and wonderful weekend.

ok kiddos...please remember to always check your pockets before jumping into the pool with your clothes on.....i don't care if there were chicks in the pool...i don't care if they we're playing pool volleyball.....i don't care if they were topless...

trust me...your wallet, pager, and phone will thank me later.

the sweet, morning dew.....like soft tears on the cheeks of my roses.....tears of joy at the....



SNAP OUT OF IT VIM!!!!!.....YOU OVERGROWN FUCKING GIRLSCOUT!!!!!!

ok THAT'S IT!!!...no more of this sissy crap...lock up your wives, daughters, and your Dean&Deluca spices....


Vim's back.

i remember her singing "freddy my love" back in highschool, and not being able to move or breathe as i listened....

all these years later, her voice can still rip my heart out through my eye sockets...

i wish i had told her....




God why am i such a sappy bitch lately??

will somebody...PLEEEEEEASE...pop this giant mongo-Zit on my back before it becomes a second head and takes control over my body!!!!

no one...and i mean no one, dirty-talks better than a woman who speaks ten languages.

so anyway, i was forced to throw on my old cowboy boots and hat last night and put on this degrading, techno-sexual sideshow for the girls...i felt so used and abused....on a side note though....when the fuck are cowboy boots gonna be back in style yo....i am one sexy-ass bitch in these old black rattlesnakes.

grilled habanero, pineapple, and brie quesadillas....carnitas and pollo asado with roasted corn and black bean salsa....fresh, homemade tort's....jalapeno-prawn ceviche....roasted 3 chile bruschetta with a cilantro-lime vinaigrette...tangerine-margaritas...a case of sol...and most important of all...the usual crew.

One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating. ~Luciano Pavarotti

for some reason...i'm not nearly as horny when you're not around.

so, i can't even watch a movie like freakin' Spiderman 2 without crying like the wee lass that i am....

THAT'S IT!!!!!!....i'm growing back my 7 chest hairs.