Years ago I was dating a girl who was a writer for Philadelphia Magazine. We used to meet up for lunch in Rittenhouse Square a couple times a week. We used to do this thing during our lunch where we would sit across from one another and we had to write a story---any story---for the other person to take back to work with them and read it. Im not a writer so a lot of my stuff was pedestrian. But I popped this off one afternoon outta nowhere and when I met her later that night at her apartment she gave me the most intensely aggressive blow job I ever received the moment I walked through her door.
I am sitting here in Rittenhouse Square in the afternoon enjoying the fine weather that the Lord has bestowed on us. I am writing because this is my outlet for the moment. Im watching people and learning about them for this is my gift. I can tell things about them that no one else knows. I can see them.
Then past the bushes I catch a glimpse that forever changes my being. I see her walking with him, dangerously close to one another, smiling and happy. Her head tosses backwards laughing; her hip bumps into his. I sit here wondering why another human being would fuck with someone like that. The pit of my stomach clenches as the burning in my solar plexus starts to spread. I have my awareness. I feel power and pain rush through my arteries and veins. I want to destroy all that is good. I see pretty girls walk by and I wonder why someone doesnt want me, why Im not good enough. What injustice did I commit to deserve this misery? I want to follow you, follow him. I want you to feel my power. I want him to know of the fury within myself. Why?
How can one accept someones soul, devour it and defecate it back on that person? Blatant disregard for someones heart. This is what I am. I am a disgrace. I am comfortable here for this is all I know. I must encourage this.
Fuck him. Fuck you. Fuck the world. Fuck happiness. Fuck succeeding. Fuck life. Fuck these happy people that surround me. Fuck your rules. Fuck this test. Fuck balance. Fuck harmony. Fuck peace. Fuck God.
Fuck myself.
As the rage rains over me like a summer thunderstorm I feel the comfort of my lighter in my pocket. Life is a circle. Now the circle is complete. Physical pain will equal the mental pain and only then can I become whole within myself. Balance. Harmony.
What does not kill us only makes us stronger. Isnt that what they say? I have chosen my path. Do not intercede for love is dead and God has deserted me. I will welcome pain, I will nourish it. It will feed me and I will feed it. It will become me and I will regurgitate evil.
I am.coming.
On a lighter note...
Thnx for all the comments. I truly have some wonderful friends here. You are all my new addiction.
Oh yeah...here's my pig...
gigglegigglegigglegigglegigglegigglegigglegigglegigglegiggle
I am sitting here in Rittenhouse Square in the afternoon enjoying the fine weather that the Lord has bestowed on us. I am writing because this is my outlet for the moment. Im watching people and learning about them for this is my gift. I can tell things about them that no one else knows. I can see them.
Then past the bushes I catch a glimpse that forever changes my being. I see her walking with him, dangerously close to one another, smiling and happy. Her head tosses backwards laughing; her hip bumps into his. I sit here wondering why another human being would fuck with someone like that. The pit of my stomach clenches as the burning in my solar plexus starts to spread. I have my awareness. I feel power and pain rush through my arteries and veins. I want to destroy all that is good. I see pretty girls walk by and I wonder why someone doesnt want me, why Im not good enough. What injustice did I commit to deserve this misery? I want to follow you, follow him. I want you to feel my power. I want him to know of the fury within myself. Why?
How can one accept someones soul, devour it and defecate it back on that person? Blatant disregard for someones heart. This is what I am. I am a disgrace. I am comfortable here for this is all I know. I must encourage this.
Fuck him. Fuck you. Fuck the world. Fuck happiness. Fuck succeeding. Fuck life. Fuck these happy people that surround me. Fuck your rules. Fuck this test. Fuck balance. Fuck harmony. Fuck peace. Fuck God.
Fuck myself.
As the rage rains over me like a summer thunderstorm I feel the comfort of my lighter in my pocket. Life is a circle. Now the circle is complete. Physical pain will equal the mental pain and only then can I become whole within myself. Balance. Harmony.
What does not kill us only makes us stronger. Isnt that what they say? I have chosen my path. Do not intercede for love is dead and God has deserted me. I will welcome pain, I will nourish it. It will feed me and I will feed it. It will become me and I will regurgitate evil.
I am.coming.
On a lighter note...
Thnx for all the comments. I truly have some wonderful friends here. You are all my new addiction.
Oh yeah...here's my pig...
gigglegigglegigglegigglegigglegigglegigglegigglegigglegiggle
VIEW 25 of 33 COMMENTS
Oh, & I already guessed you were bipolar. I called that long ago. The people I get on well with always are. I can sit in a room & pick out the people who are considered this "bipolar". I think those shrinks are just jealous because our kind are so cool & sexy & fun. Ha!
(Like that? I said "our kind" ha ha.)
Yeah, that journal entry I thought was yours read something like this: I talked to my dad on the phone today. What an asshole. He was never around when I was younger & now he wants to be drinking buddies. It was weird because when I read it I noticed your new profile picture too. Maybe it was an SG glitch... or maybe just a mind glitch.
***editted to add:
By the way, I had a dream last night that I was a nun & we were doing a concave to select the next official top nun. I couldn't remember any of the other nuns names, so I ran out & I went to the mall in my nun uniform, which was very short & my legs were showing & I wasn't wearing underwear. What the hell is that about?
[Edited on May 03, 2005 10:59AM]
New profile pic?!?! Whoa... look at that hotness!
Oh... and you did the pig drawing thing too huh? I found that thread... so fun! Hee hee.
xoxooxxo.