velocity

One of my students has decided to read Dante's Inferno for his 10th grade English book report. This is astounding for many reasons. Most kids, when they come to my little two-shelf library to pick a book, head straight for Charlotte's Web. Marcus, on the other hand, likes a bit of a literary challenge. I'd wager he's also somewhat motivated to impress the teacher. So...
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Yesterday my dad and I busted up a chiffarobe. I didn't know people actually did that in real life.

Okay, which one of you fuckwads has been punching me in the eye while I'm sleeping? Because seriously, that is not cool.

Today my doctor told me I most likely have a tiny black blood clot floating around in my vitreous humor, and the most likely cause of this is a big ole punch in the eye. The following conversation ensued:

But I haven't been...
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Today our art teacher told me that one of our lovely young ghetto hootchies had expressed concern about me. She said that it seemed so sad that I was always off by myself doing things that old ladies do, and she was worried I might be lonely. Maybe I should ask her to be my new bestest friend, though I have the feeling she'd be...
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I just had the best meal in the world. Now I'm going to let it rest in my belly for a bit while I watch cartoons, and then I'll probably go face down in a piece of cheesecake before the New Year even arrives. I don't think I've stayed up 'til midnight on New Year's Eve since I was in single digits.

Anyone want some...
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Maurice is a good kid. He's charming, funny, smart, and has loads of potential. He has a smile that makes all of the little junior high girls swoon when he walks by. He had some issues with truancy last year, but this year he's done really well. He's even doing exceptionally well in my class, which has higher standards than the rest of our program....
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This morning I got spam asking me if I'm concerned about my penis size (in case you're wondering, I'm not), but it was apparently from my Grandpa Frank from beyond the grave. Because it was a name my email rercognized, it ended up in my inbox. It freaked me out a little bit until I realized what it was. Good to know Grandpa Frank still...
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The best thing about being a teacher (right now, at least): 13 unused sick days from last year + the 17 I'll accrue this year and most likely not use = I have a sinus headache that makes it feel like my eye sockets are on fire and I'm going back to bed, y'all.

Today one of our more volatile students threatened a teacher, and earned himself a permanent expulsion. Apparently, he was unhappy that he wasn't allowed to use a calculator to do basic arithmetic, which escalated to him yelling at the math/science teacher, "I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna fuck you in the ass until you bleed!"

Mr. Math/Science, in true smartass form, batted his eyelashes and...
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Yesterday I felt like crapola, so this morning I was very pleased to find myself ravenously hungry after a good night's sleep. I went to my favorite local coffee shop, had some scrambled eggs and toast, and listened to a table of old men vigorously discuss their personal faith.

It always strikes me as odd, and a little bit sad, that the people who speak...
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