velocity

It's time for SUPER AMAZING TRUE LIFE TALES FROM KERI'S HOUSE!

or

Why Portland Needs a Hobo-apult, and launching hoboes from the hobo-apult should be an official Portland sport.

Scene:
Late in the wee hours at Keri's house. The modem and the hard drive on Dave's computer both barfed up their guts simultaneously while Dave was trying to print a boarding pass for a business trip he doesn't want to go on, three days before the wedding. The alarm is set for 5 am to get him to the airport. Both Keri and Dave are just about to fall asleep, so close to 5 am that it's almost not worth it.

Enter random hobo on the street outside, pushing something large and metal that wasn't meant to roll. A fridge, maybe. Hobo pushes fridge around the house to the alley behind, and begins to root through the trash and recycling directly below Keri's open bedroom windows.

HOBO: lalalalala la la EYE-OF-THE-TIGER! la la la EYE OF THE TIIIIIIIIIIGER! la la EYE OF THE TIIIII-III-III-III-GER!! la la la la TIGER! la la ....... la

KERI: Mfffg. Fmmknng hobo.

DAVE: I wish it were legal to kill hobos. (Dave is much more lucid than Keri) I mean, they're basically ramen.

KERI: They're what? Ramen?

DAVE: No, I said vermin. But I could kill some ramen too. I'm hungry.


...silence, just about to fall asleep again...


DAVE: You can't kill the Brahmins, though. Well, you can, but they just keep coming back. (sound of hobo pushing his fridge down the street in the background)


Ba-dum, pshh.


Going back to sleep now.