I am on my sabbatical. Continue to post here if you wish. Just know that I'm not even going to check my journal or even the main page. Cold turkey.
I'll be back the 23rd. May all of you have fun and be safe.
I am available on yahoo msgr, just check my profile for the username.
Blessed Be
****
Yeah so, I found out today that Linda is actually dating 2 guys at the same time. In her own words she's "sowing her wild oats". They are both rather strange choices, one of them makes me laugh. he's this tiny guy who you'd never in a million years believe could get with a girl like Linda. the other is a guy who has depression problems and is just figuring out he can see dead people and gets psychic information and he's totally unprepared for the 'noise' of being a sensitive.
But Linda tells me she is purposely choosing these two guys BECAUSE they are so not her type. She has no interest at all in being serious.
...
...
...
I feel very VERY invisible. This must be what chopped liver feels like.
I don't know whether to be jealous, angry, sad, or accepting or happy for her. I applaud intellectually at least that she is enjoying herself...sowing her wild oats and everything.
must be nice to have choices...
I kept thinking if I'd ever have the balls to ask her "If I was just a little bit insistent, would you have dated me?"...
...but that would have been stupid right?
I guess I'll do what I always do. I accept it whether I like it or not and pretend it's not a problem for me and everything is hunky dory. After all...I don't know...
****
Linda, Christine, William and myself are supposed to do a 'Wishing Ritual'. Right now is apparently a good time because of the full moon. Christine is Linda's best friend, and William is the male equivalent of Linda.
I've never done one. I use to always think wishing was something only people who were losers did. My father has a lot of contempt for it. I know I did it an awful lot during the terrible years of being a teenager.
But since apparently it's OK, I'll be wishing for Edinburgh University. And if I can just word it right, figure out how to wish to learn how to be genuinely happy in my own skin. When I learn that, I'll never have a lack of choices, and I won't always have to come home to an empty bed if i don't want to.
****
I'll be gone for a week after Sunday, taking my sabbatical. I hate that SG has become so big a social thing for me. In fact in general I am terrified that I really don't have much of anything like hobbies hence 'a life' of any sort after my workday. THESE are the best times to indulge little passions and self-learning....but I DON'T DO SHIT.
****
I refuse to have anymore Lindas pass me by...
***
EDIT:
Something I want to do after the Wishing Ritual and after her (Linda's) birthday in 2 weeks.
I know it's silly, but I can't stand being....dependent on someone else for happiness. I see now how bad that really is as a developing soul. We have to find contentment, happiness within ourselves, completely independent of any outside force, presence or personality. That's why i've gotten pretty obsessive about being 'Happy in One's Own Skin'.
This is what I want to do. I want to disappear from Linda's life for a week. preferably I would do it with SG at the same time....maybe I'll go away for a week again just for this personal test.
I need to find something to do away from SG and away from Linda. I don't need any Lindas or anyone to be happy, we have everything we need within ourselves. Happiness is a choice. An active willing decision to see the lighter side of things, to laugh at yourself.
Ohhhh...but it is so hard to do.....
(Ok, I admit, there are some childish reasons involved as well....but I never said i was perfect...someone I know has had this done to them before for less than noble reasons)
****
i'm thinking that once I'm back in a University social scene again, I'm going to go completely fucking weird...i.e...myself. i won't have a dress code or hair code to adhere to like in my restaurant....it'll be a diverse and generally younger peer group. ah well...I'll have fun.
I'll be back the 23rd. May all of you have fun and be safe.
I am available on yahoo msgr, just check my profile for the username.
Blessed Be
****
Yeah so, I found out today that Linda is actually dating 2 guys at the same time. In her own words she's "sowing her wild oats". They are both rather strange choices, one of them makes me laugh. he's this tiny guy who you'd never in a million years believe could get with a girl like Linda. the other is a guy who has depression problems and is just figuring out he can see dead people and gets psychic information and he's totally unprepared for the 'noise' of being a sensitive.
But Linda tells me she is purposely choosing these two guys BECAUSE they are so not her type. She has no interest at all in being serious.
...
...
...
I feel very VERY invisible. This must be what chopped liver feels like.
I don't know whether to be jealous, angry, sad, or accepting or happy for her. I applaud intellectually at least that she is enjoying herself...sowing her wild oats and everything.
must be nice to have choices...
I kept thinking if I'd ever have the balls to ask her "If I was just a little bit insistent, would you have dated me?"...
...but that would have been stupid right?
I guess I'll do what I always do. I accept it whether I like it or not and pretend it's not a problem for me and everything is hunky dory. After all...I don't know...
****
Linda, Christine, William and myself are supposed to do a 'Wishing Ritual'. Right now is apparently a good time because of the full moon. Christine is Linda's best friend, and William is the male equivalent of Linda.
I've never done one. I use to always think wishing was something only people who were losers did. My father has a lot of contempt for it. I know I did it an awful lot during the terrible years of being a teenager.
But since apparently it's OK, I'll be wishing for Edinburgh University. And if I can just word it right, figure out how to wish to learn how to be genuinely happy in my own skin. When I learn that, I'll never have a lack of choices, and I won't always have to come home to an empty bed if i don't want to.
****
I'll be gone for a week after Sunday, taking my sabbatical. I hate that SG has become so big a social thing for me. In fact in general I am terrified that I really don't have much of anything like hobbies hence 'a life' of any sort after my workday. THESE are the best times to indulge little passions and self-learning....but I DON'T DO SHIT.
****
I refuse to have anymore Lindas pass me by...
***
EDIT:
Something I want to do after the Wishing Ritual and after her (Linda's) birthday in 2 weeks.
I know it's silly, but I can't stand being....dependent on someone else for happiness. I see now how bad that really is as a developing soul. We have to find contentment, happiness within ourselves, completely independent of any outside force, presence or personality. That's why i've gotten pretty obsessive about being 'Happy in One's Own Skin'.
This is what I want to do. I want to disappear from Linda's life for a week. preferably I would do it with SG at the same time....maybe I'll go away for a week again just for this personal test.
I need to find something to do away from SG and away from Linda. I don't need any Lindas or anyone to be happy, we have everything we need within ourselves. Happiness is a choice. An active willing decision to see the lighter side of things, to laugh at yourself.
Ohhhh...but it is so hard to do.....
(Ok, I admit, there are some childish reasons involved as well....but I never said i was perfect...someone I know has had this done to them before for less than noble reasons)
****
i'm thinking that once I'm back in a University social scene again, I'm going to go completely fucking weird...i.e...myself. i won't have a dress code or hair code to adhere to like in my restaurant....it'll be a diverse and generally younger peer group. ah well...I'll have fun.
VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
funny because I just said the exact same thing to my best freind
yesterday; that I need a break away from people. It is essential to
the nourishment of life. I hate to use the "C" word, but it seems to me
that the only way to heal from this Linda thing is to find closure, whether
through confrontation as other's have suggested, or through yourself. Ideally
both. Whatever gives you meaning, in any sense, cannot be invalidated. This
is something I'm working on at the moment. I also can't wait to get back to school.
Enjoy your time away, but I hope to hear from you soon.
'Everyone has a conditional clause in thier life, some little unspoken addition to the rules like 'except when I really need to' or 'unless no-one is looking' or, indeed, 'unless the first one was nougat'. Soto had for centuries embraced a belief in the sanctity of all life and the ultimate uselessness of violence, but his personal conditional clause was 'but not the hair. No-one touches the hair, ok?''
A time off period every now and then is necessary I think, I do it for various reasons too. Just go with what feels best I suppose. Good luck with Edinburgh.