"i must leave it behind and climb to a new place.."
nothing more true.
nothing more true.
went to NA tonight.
im coming upon my 30 days of sobriety... this week.
when i get it, Im moving back home. The reason I haven't yet is because Im afraid of all the H near my condo.. but Ive got to face it sometime...
...Im feeling much better now, I should do just fine.
Im on an opiate blocker just in case.
My place...
Read More
im coming upon my 30 days of sobriety... this week.
when i get it, Im moving back home. The reason I haven't yet is because Im afraid of all the H near my condo.. but Ive got to face it sometime...
...Im feeling much better now, I should do just fine.
Im on an opiate blocker just in case.
My place...
Read More
germ13:
Dude! A month is a great leap. Now you know you've done one month you can do another and so on. I have supreme confidence in you 
kira:
that's fucking awsome...i'm so very proud of you... 
I have, for the time being, come home to Michigan.
My 'sickness' still hasn't broken away... Im at some strange point where the "withdrawl" symptoms seem to come and go...
However, other things are MUCH better. For instance, my memory is clearing up noticably. Further, my mood is improving.. for awhile, I was really shitty (emotionally, towards others) acting and really easy to go on...
Read More
My 'sickness' still hasn't broken away... Im at some strange point where the "withdrawl" symptoms seem to come and go...
However, other things are MUCH better. For instance, my memory is clearing up noticably. Further, my mood is improving.. for awhile, I was really shitty (emotionally, towards others) acting and really easy to go on...
Read More
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
nellichaos:
heya! i haven't come to make any comments on your journal for a while, so i thought i would stop by and say hello.
i'm really glad that you made it through rehab and can see yourself doing better. one of my best friends gets out of rehab on monday. he's only 17. i can only hope that he is as strong as you are! in any case...good to see you back! i'll stop by more often to comment!!!
i'm really glad that you made it through rehab and can see yourself doing better. one of my best friends gets out of rehab on monday. he's only 17. i can only hope that he is as strong as you are! in any case...good to see you back! i'll stop by more often to comment!!!
germ13:
You're doing well man Cureelise kept me up to date on how you were doing, keep it up
It's late... but I sleep with difficulty.
Ive entered a common neurosis to addicts called P.A.W.S (Look it up)
Insomnia..... my head is racing like it hasnt in years....
Ive conjured so many disgusting situations, and by nature im just too fucking sensitive for it.Furthermore, I have a suspended liscense and two outstanding tickets to attend.
How can one very weak person conquer this shit?...
Read More
Ive entered a common neurosis to addicts called P.A.W.S (Look it up)
Insomnia..... my head is racing like it hasnt in years....
Ive conjured so many disgusting situations, and by nature im just too fucking sensitive for it.Furthermore, I have a suspended liscense and two outstanding tickets to attend.
How can one very weak person conquer this shit?...
Read More
kira:
i know the difficulties of sleep, i'm positive they are not for the same reasons as you but i am sorry. i've quit drinking and it sucks so i can't even imagine what you are going through. i'm really proud of you for what you are doing and i hope that you get through it...
cureelise:
awww I miss u too sweetie. I hope my letter reached u while u were in rehab. i was talking to my friend about u this weekend. he told me to send u an email or write in your journal ASAP so u know that u have been on my mind. things are going well for me so far and i hope they start doing the same for u. I was going to say hi to u on aim , but u signed off 
was hoping to have a chance to chat with u
was hoping to have a chance to chat with uback into your world
Im out of The detox hopital.
My detoxification was a nightmare. I was ill for 10 days.. for 2 of those days I was compltely mad.
I cried so much in there.. about my situation, about those that I have wronged.. about the terror my life has become.
I broke in the realization that none of you love me, and I...
Read More
Im out of The detox hopital.
My detoxification was a nightmare. I was ill for 10 days.. for 2 of those days I was compltely mad.
I cried so much in there.. about my situation, about those that I have wronged.. about the terror my life has become.
I broke in the realization that none of you love me, and I...
Read More
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
ihatemylife:
don't give up....
kira:
i really hope that everything is going ok with you and your recovery. i've thought about you a couple of times over the last couple weeks wondering how you were doing and if you were alright. i just quit drinking and that sucked enough so i can't even imagine what you went through, but i am proud of you that you did it. it's a really hard thing to do and i hope you stick with it...you are in my thoughts...
It is Tue. Oct 5 at 337am as I write this.
This is a mass informative post.
As most of you are aware, I have a severe opiate addiction.
Due to recent events, I have chosen to make severe choices on this situation
At 330pm Tue, Oct 6... I will be checking into a rehab intensive care hospital in Brighton MI.
This email is to...
Read More
This is a mass informative post.
As most of you are aware, I have a severe opiate addiction.
Due to recent events, I have chosen to make severe choices on this situation
At 330pm Tue, Oct 6... I will be checking into a rehab intensive care hospital in Brighton MI.
This email is to...
Read More
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
cutthekidinhalf:
I hope you are ok...
cureelise:
I MISS U
I feel like a road.
alisa:
so when are you coming back to stay at our place???
huh? huh?
huh? huh?
I haven't slept or done much else in the past 20 or so hours.
None of these things I here write are to bring a "rise" or simply for reaction, so your comments to that effect will be ignored, deleted and blocked.
This is how I feel, plain and simple.
I have the right to assert this, at least.
We all know that I have...
Read More
None of these things I here write are to bring a "rise" or simply for reaction, so your comments to that effect will be ignored, deleted and blocked.
This is how I feel, plain and simple.
I have the right to assert this, at least.
We all know that I have...
Read More
nellichaos:
*tosses you a life saver* you don't have to tread water. honestly, i know people who have the intense ammount of sadness that you have, and from my experience, it is the people that are the saddest that are often the best people.
i wish there was something i could say to make you feel better, but i doubt that there is....just know that you are a good person and you are worthy.
i wish there was something i could say to make you feel better, but i doubt that there is....just know that you are a good person and you are worthy.
I just completed a Fashion show here in Ferndale, MI. It was a success. I both directed the show and walked in it.
The night (Sunday) was fun.
Otherwise, everything is predictably hellish.
Note: New pics in my Artistic and Nude sections.
The night (Sunday) was fun.
Otherwise, everything is predictably hellish.
Note: New pics in my Artistic and Nude sections.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
cureelise:
Love the new pics, like you didn't already know that since I told u last night. 
It was really nice chatting with you . You are such a sweetie . We must chat again really soon so u can make me blush some more 
[Edited on Sep 21, 2004 12:15PM]
It was really nice chatting with you . You are such a sweetie . We must chat again really soon so u can make me blush some more
[Edited on Sep 21, 2004 12:15PM]
nellichaos:
congradulations on the fashion show...it sounds like it was a real success! i must say that i like your pictures...you are purdy!!! 
you know, i guess you're right, i could just stop by and read more often, huh?
you know, i guess you're right, i could just stop by and read more often, huh?I am damned to repeat the very same pains and fool-hearted dramas in this life.
And what for... untill i solve them?
Until I fail and take that expeted step across the faultline... what?
I am at 30mg methadone right now.
Its been a living hell even getting here.
If i make it , it will be worth it; even though i might be all...
Read More
And what for... untill i solve them?
Until I fail and take that expeted step across the faultline... what?
I am at 30mg methadone right now.
Its been a living hell even getting here.
If i make it , it will be worth it; even though i might be all...
Read More
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
angeld:
I think I know how those things feel...
I might not have ever been on meth, but I know what its like to be at that edge, to feel so lonely and alien to others, so alone. To know the one thing that takes away that horrible feeling is the one thing killing me and to wonder if I even care anymore. But I did and I hope you do. Its never just us mate....
http://www.deviantart.com/view/6676890/
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/939463/
Some of us know it too, in our own ways.
I might not have ever been on meth, but I know what its like to be at that edge, to feel so lonely and alien to others, so alone. To know the one thing that takes away that horrible feeling is the one thing killing me and to wonder if I even care anymore. But I did and I hope you do. Its never just us mate....
http://www.deviantart.com/view/6676890/
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/939463/
Some of us know it too, in our own ways.
nellichaos:
thank you for the compliment...perhaps it is you that is the sweet one! methadone, eh? be lots and lots and lots of careful!!! I wish that I could know you better or understand you more...your journal entries are facinate me and make me sad all at the same time...best wishes for the upcoming days!