vassago

Today was my birthday.

I wanted to get together with my friends for dinner... but noone would call me back.
Even when I left messages saying that today was my birthday, and I wanted to get together.

I don't like being alone all of the time like this. It hurts.
I can't imagine being too much morew dejected than I am today.
I don't entirely know why my birthday means this much to me, other holidays are nearly irrelevant.

There is something about the way that only a few even remembered.. something horrible about the way my phone is so eerily quiet, the way that i speant today pretty much alone. It feels like a giant painful rock in my chest.
It reflects and worsens just how isolated I am these days, it gives perspective to just how little i fit into the scheme of life, it magnifies the bleakness of every other day; also speant quietly in solace. where do i even stand with others?

Why have I never been necessary?
Why can't i write how i feel without whining and rambling on?

I can already imagine the insults you will be leaving in response to this entry... too self righteous to read what I am actually typing.

It is as simple as this... I would be so fucking happy if I could spend my birthday with some good friends.. I would ask nothing of them. I would give anything to spend tonight close to just one little soul that loves me.

...but people in hell want ice water.