vassago

It has been a long time since Ive posted.

Hell, It's been so long since I've gotten onto my computer that I had 413 emails waiting. Im sorry if any of you reading this have tried to reach me.
I have no excuses for my behavior anymore.
I'm depressed. Not 'sad' depressed, really... but that other depression... the sort where you ought not leave bed and motivation itself seems like a foreign concept.

I strain to recall the last productive thing Ive managed.
I hate feeling like this.
I am totally disgusted with myself.
I feel as though I am living in the grave of my former life.. not quite living in any real sense of the word.

Something has to give
Something has to change.

What can I do for this? Where could I go?
What change could I make that would bring me down even further?
I am so sick of listlessness and depression and fear and pity. I want more.
I want to enjoy life for once.. I want to just appeciate right now. It is so simple.. not too much to ask..

Ive taken so much form myself, in the guise of self-contempt.

Whatever. I can't live like this anymore.
If you knew me you would agree. You wouldn't live in this state either.

Something take my hand, I want out.

[ P\S: I have a new AiM. NovoAleph ]