It's late... but I sleep with difficulty.
Ive entered a common neurosis to addicts called P.A.W.S (Look it up)
Insomnia..... my head is racing like it hasnt in years....
Ive conjured so many disgusting situations, and by nature im just too fucking sensitive for it.Furthermore, I have a suspended liscense and two outstanding tickets to attend.
How can one very weak person conquer this shit?
My mind is multiple 'channels' of fear and streaming thought and worry.
Last night my car rolled (in neutral) right into my parents garage. Now, it will not run properly and the front end is crushed... am I the worlds worst driver??? My freedom is ever more limited.
For Halloween, I did nothing. Saturday and Sunday were spent alone while others were out screwing and dancing and getting drunk. I couldn't even be pathetic and get high... I have to keep myself above dope now...
And some of you... well, you've chosen to turn your backs to me. You tell me Ive "lied" or "burned bridges".... Granted, I wasn't the greatest person when I was using (Mr Hyde), but none of you even explain yourselves or try to give me a second chance, an opportunity to meet the REAL me, not just some vicious alter-ego built from dope.
dope is gone. Mr. Hyde is dead. deal.
Whatever, I clip no wings and will not convince you. I am what I am.
These past two days have been built on depression and tears... the anti-psychotics only help a bit. Im so worried.. Im so alone and I have so much to do to fix the past few years... In the end, I might be leaving the country. My eyes are open, but I find nothing that wants me here. Lonliness is disgusting.
Im taking a little break tue.
Im going to Florida for a week, my own reasons.
Maybe Ill figure some of this out.
"You". You don't realise who you are. I dream of you.
I'd give my entire life to have a month with you.
I dream big dreams of you still... but Ive become an ugly thing.
I retreat to my tower and dwell.
Ive entered a common neurosis to addicts called P.A.W.S (Look it up)
Insomnia..... my head is racing like it hasnt in years....
Ive conjured so many disgusting situations, and by nature im just too fucking sensitive for it.Furthermore, I have a suspended liscense and two outstanding tickets to attend.
How can one very weak person conquer this shit?
My mind is multiple 'channels' of fear and streaming thought and worry.
Last night my car rolled (in neutral) right into my parents garage. Now, it will not run properly and the front end is crushed... am I the worlds worst driver??? My freedom is ever more limited.
For Halloween, I did nothing. Saturday and Sunday were spent alone while others were out screwing and dancing and getting drunk. I couldn't even be pathetic and get high... I have to keep myself above dope now...
And some of you... well, you've chosen to turn your backs to me. You tell me Ive "lied" or "burned bridges".... Granted, I wasn't the greatest person when I was using (Mr Hyde), but none of you even explain yourselves or try to give me a second chance, an opportunity to meet the REAL me, not just some vicious alter-ego built from dope.
dope is gone. Mr. Hyde is dead. deal.
Whatever, I clip no wings and will not convince you. I am what I am.
These past two days have been built on depression and tears... the anti-psychotics only help a bit. Im so worried.. Im so alone and I have so much to do to fix the past few years... In the end, I might be leaving the country. My eyes are open, but I find nothing that wants me here. Lonliness is disgusting.
Im taking a little break tue.
Im going to Florida for a week, my own reasons.
Maybe Ill figure some of this out.
"You". You don't realise who you are. I dream of you.
I'd give my entire life to have a month with you.
I dream big dreams of you still... but Ive become an ugly thing.
I retreat to my tower and dwell.
kira:
i know the difficulties of sleep, i'm positive they are not for the same reasons as you but i am sorry. i've quit drinking and it sucks so i can't even imagine what you are going through. i'm really proud of you for what you are doing and i hope that you get through it... 
cureelise:
awww I miss u too sweetie. I hope my letter reached u while u were in rehab. i was talking to my friend about u this weekend. he told me to send u an email or write in your journal ASAP so u know that u have been on my mind. things are going well for me so far and i hope they start doing the same for u. I was going to say hi to u on aim , but u signed off 
was hoping to have a chance to chat with u
was hoping to have a chance to chat with u