Im immobilized.
Depression and apathy are real things.
Can you comprehend what it's like to not be able to leave your house?
Of course you can't... but you pretend to.
This thing makes you lie in a bed and cry and dare yourself to go home.
If you even dare utter a word of it to either of the two people that still talk to you... they get angry and tell you off. I've been fighting, but now is as good of a time as any.
I can't beat the dragon. I can't let old wounds heal.
I still love people that ran away so damn long ago.
And there is another thing.. what is it about me that is so terrible that people first draw me close, then just as predictably throw me aside. I can't see where I am so evil that I predicate such treatment. Clearly, it's there. Clearly, I am a worthless bitch... but in looking at my own behavior, I just cannot see where I should be YOUR toilet.
What have I done?
I daydream about getting (truly) clean and running away and ACTUALLY being loved and cared for and wanted in this world. So many of you have lied your way around my heart.. ("I will never do that"... "I am not other people"...) Still, you predictably turn like a snake. maybe you try to fuck my friend behind my back... Mabe you just randomly go from earnestly 'loving' me to shutting down any and all communication... right, K? sound familiar, M?
You Lied.
And I can't see what I've done to hurt any of You.
I cannnot say that right now Im not thinking about getting in to a warm bath with an entire prescription.... then again, I did promise her that I would give this fight one last, complete, stand.
But God, I needed to be held.
Depression and apathy are real things.
Can you comprehend what it's like to not be able to leave your house?
Of course you can't... but you pretend to.
This thing makes you lie in a bed and cry and dare yourself to go home.
If you even dare utter a word of it to either of the two people that still talk to you... they get angry and tell you off. I've been fighting, but now is as good of a time as any.
I can't beat the dragon. I can't let old wounds heal.
I still love people that ran away so damn long ago.
And there is another thing.. what is it about me that is so terrible that people first draw me close, then just as predictably throw me aside. I can't see where I am so evil that I predicate such treatment. Clearly, it's there. Clearly, I am a worthless bitch... but in looking at my own behavior, I just cannot see where I should be YOUR toilet.
What have I done?
I daydream about getting (truly) clean and running away and ACTUALLY being loved and cared for and wanted in this world. So many of you have lied your way around my heart.. ("I will never do that"... "I am not other people"...) Still, you predictably turn like a snake. maybe you try to fuck my friend behind my back... Mabe you just randomly go from earnestly 'loving' me to shutting down any and all communication... right, K? sound familiar, M?
You Lied.
And I can't see what I've done to hurt any of You.
I cannnot say that right now Im not thinking about getting in to a warm bath with an entire prescription.... then again, I did promise her that I would give this fight one last, complete, stand.
But God, I needed to be held.
lunna:
