I can't get my head straigt.
Things here are bad, really bad.
Maybe it is the revenge of materialism, Im not sure.
First, my 20gb Mp3 player exploded (literallly, it exploded) when i plugged in the power adapter to my car. You see, it was an after market adapter, and it had been accidentally set a few volts too high...
200 dollars destryoed.
Then, On the way back from thr SG show in Columbus, I cought a wind shear on the freeway and was pulled off of the shoulder, hitting a drainage culvart and destroying my 2002 VW beetle.
The story gets worse.. my mother had been taking care of the insurance for me for a little bit, but she had let it slide and it lapsed, so I wasn't covered for the acccident.
I have no way to get my car back, which means no way to school, work, or anywhere else. Beyond that, I LOVED that car, I took wonderful care of it. I know it is materialistic, morgan keeos calling me a pathetic ababy for being sad about the car, but I can;t help it. I don't wan't it to be gone... it was my baby, it was my freedom. Now, I am trapped in the filthy slums of detroit with only pblic transit, as though that is safe or can get me anywhere important.
To top it off, I got back to my condo only to discover that my case containing my digi cameras is missing. Which means..
1. It is still in my car at the towing place in Ohio
2. It is still at the house I crashed at in Ohio.
3. It was stolen on my trip.
4. It was left in the car of the fellow that gave us a ride from the crash site. I have no way of knowing who he is or where he is.
And still, other concerns plague me,,, bad ones. I blame only myself for hurting, and for having reasons to hurt like this.
There isnt a way out of a bottom like this one. This life goes only one direction.
I was doing goo too. No needle, i was staying clean, moving in a better direction. However, it seems that fate, or luck or god, or my sub-conscious has made certain that I will never heal.
"Nothing is any sort of love."
On the other hand, which is a lot smaller. I was given the amazing privelage to catch both the Detroit and Columbus SG shows. A certain person made the Detroit show difficult... but the Colombus show was great.
I met several fantastic, fun people, and was able to gather some scarpbook material as well.
As for the few that I was able to meet and talk to, Ill get ahold of you and "friend" you and all of that.. or feel free to get back to me, too.
Im off, really off.
...Depressed in way that seems physical. There is too much on my mind to handle on my own... these are those times in ife when it counts to have one to take care of you (so to speak).
Im alone. I hate pity, so maybe I should stay alone
Remind me why I should'nt go get some dope.... ? 'cos Im totally not feeling this soriety thing anymore. Im just suffering for jack shit,
Me, and a bed, and my straight steel friend, right?
im out.
Things here are bad, really bad.
Maybe it is the revenge of materialism, Im not sure.
First, my 20gb Mp3 player exploded (literallly, it exploded) when i plugged in the power adapter to my car. You see, it was an after market adapter, and it had been accidentally set a few volts too high...
200 dollars destryoed.
Then, On the way back from thr SG show in Columbus, I cought a wind shear on the freeway and was pulled off of the shoulder, hitting a drainage culvart and destroying my 2002 VW beetle.
The story gets worse.. my mother had been taking care of the insurance for me for a little bit, but she had let it slide and it lapsed, so I wasn't covered for the acccident.
I have no way to get my car back, which means no way to school, work, or anywhere else. Beyond that, I LOVED that car, I took wonderful care of it. I know it is materialistic, morgan keeos calling me a pathetic ababy for being sad about the car, but I can;t help it. I don't wan't it to be gone... it was my baby, it was my freedom. Now, I am trapped in the filthy slums of detroit with only pblic transit, as though that is safe or can get me anywhere important.
To top it off, I got back to my condo only to discover that my case containing my digi cameras is missing. Which means..
1. It is still in my car at the towing place in Ohio
2. It is still at the house I crashed at in Ohio.
3. It was stolen on my trip.
4. It was left in the car of the fellow that gave us a ride from the crash site. I have no way of knowing who he is or where he is.
And still, other concerns plague me,,, bad ones. I blame only myself for hurting, and for having reasons to hurt like this.
There isnt a way out of a bottom like this one. This life goes only one direction.
I was doing goo too. No needle, i was staying clean, moving in a better direction. However, it seems that fate, or luck or god, or my sub-conscious has made certain that I will never heal.
"Nothing is any sort of love."
On the other hand, which is a lot smaller. I was given the amazing privelage to catch both the Detroit and Columbus SG shows. A certain person made the Detroit show difficult... but the Colombus show was great.
I met several fantastic, fun people, and was able to gather some scarpbook material as well.
As for the few that I was able to meet and talk to, Ill get ahold of you and "friend" you and all of that.. or feel free to get back to me, too.
Im off, really off.
...Depressed in way that seems physical. There is too much on my mind to handle on my own... these are those times in ife when it counts to have one to take care of you (so to speak).
Im alone. I hate pity, so maybe I should stay alone
Remind me why I should'nt go get some dope.... ? 'cos Im totally not feeling this soriety thing anymore. Im just suffering for jack shit,
Me, and a bed, and my straight steel friend, right?
im out.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
Yeah. Avalon is as correct as it gets. I know for sure that a lesson is sitting over me... not only that but a bigger reason for last weekend, too.
Unfortunately, I did go get some shit that night. It was self hatred and defeat hard at work.
Since then, Ive tried to "step back" as you would say..
Seeing a mess for what it is can be horrifying, right down to your silly little nightmares.
The accident was bigger than a car crash. It was a symbol, it was my life in nutshell. The way out of this is way, way too big....
...ever climbed over Everest?
[Edited on Feb 20, 2004 1:53AM]