i wonder if anyone will even read my posts anymore.
it isnt like i know anyone on this site any longer.. though i certainly used to.
i keep saying that i am going to start 'keeping up' with my blog and my presence on here once again, and i did mean that. however.. the last two months of my life have been an unprecedented nightmare.
they say that all good things must end.. and i hate them for saying that.. but do they mean that these things must end in the utter rending of one's life?
for the last two tears i have been the loving possession of what i KNEW to be the greatest woman ever to breathe. in the beginning she pursued she pursued me intently.. i resisted.. but what was the point?
in no time my poor heart was lost and i relented to the most wonderful thing to ever put her wings around me.
then followed two years two years of utter devotion.
i honestly thought for the first time in my life, i was wanted, needed, understood... cared for.. protected.
i was naive enough to truly believe her.. to truly believe that i was the one.
i could not imagine something ripping us apart.. and i honestly thought nothing could.
sure, we both had out own issues to face, who in this world doesnt?
as i always have, i was dealing with some depression.. i think she was too..
but there was still the love.. i never crossed her, never violated with even an off thought..
i want(ed) only to always be loved by only her.
for the first time in my life, i was where i belonged, in her arms. I KNEW she could not betray me.
i "knew" wrong.
she made her plans, she lied, then she abandoned.
she gave no consideration to what might happen, no second thought to anything, no discussion.
two years of love, devotion, sacrifice.. meaningless.
it was like i was being left by a totally different person.
she utterly erased me.. in a few days our lives together were reduced to a crumpled garbage bag. i was completely fucking scoured form her reality.
i am not even given the courtesy of communication. i meant that little.
i meant absolutely nothing. the entire time.. i was lied to and used and tossed aside.
and she is the one who wanted me to find some self esteem, cute.
needless to say, i am not well. i have not been.
i have been avoiding this site, she is one of you.. it saddens me bitterly to see her pictures and her proud blog entries about how fucking fantastic life is. there is no mention of me, nothing even resembling conscience. nothing at all.
i was completely invested in her.. practically and personally.
my entire world is burning down. and she is smiling over something new.. it always made me worry, the way she could just throw out major possessions on a whim, no second thought. that is me, an unwanted, discarded dress. old and without any value.
i am doing my best.. somewhere between a bullet and medication, i am still standing. for now.
my world does not make sense, everything is gone.
my poor girl, what have you done?
it isnt like i know anyone on this site any longer.. though i certainly used to.
i keep saying that i am going to start 'keeping up' with my blog and my presence on here once again, and i did mean that. however.. the last two months of my life have been an unprecedented nightmare.
they say that all good things must end.. and i hate them for saying that.. but do they mean that these things must end in the utter rending of one's life?
for the last two tears i have been the loving possession of what i KNEW to be the greatest woman ever to breathe. in the beginning she pursued she pursued me intently.. i resisted.. but what was the point?
in no time my poor heart was lost and i relented to the most wonderful thing to ever put her wings around me.
then followed two years two years of utter devotion.
i honestly thought for the first time in my life, i was wanted, needed, understood... cared for.. protected.
i was naive enough to truly believe her.. to truly believe that i was the one.
i could not imagine something ripping us apart.. and i honestly thought nothing could.
sure, we both had out own issues to face, who in this world doesnt?
as i always have, i was dealing with some depression.. i think she was too..
but there was still the love.. i never crossed her, never violated with even an off thought..
i want(ed) only to always be loved by only her.
for the first time in my life, i was where i belonged, in her arms. I KNEW she could not betray me.
i "knew" wrong.
she made her plans, she lied, then she abandoned.
she gave no consideration to what might happen, no second thought to anything, no discussion.
two years of love, devotion, sacrifice.. meaningless.
it was like i was being left by a totally different person.
she utterly erased me.. in a few days our lives together were reduced to a crumpled garbage bag. i was completely fucking scoured form her reality.
i am not even given the courtesy of communication. i meant that little.
i meant absolutely nothing. the entire time.. i was lied to and used and tossed aside.
and she is the one who wanted me to find some self esteem, cute.
needless to say, i am not well. i have not been.
i have been avoiding this site, she is one of you.. it saddens me bitterly to see her pictures and her proud blog entries about how fucking fantastic life is. there is no mention of me, nothing even resembling conscience. nothing at all.
i was completely invested in her.. practically and personally.
my entire world is burning down. and she is smiling over something new.. it always made me worry, the way she could just throw out major possessions on a whim, no second thought. that is me, an unwanted, discarded dress. old and without any value.
i am doing my best.. somewhere between a bullet and medication, i am still standing. for now.
my world does not make sense, everything is gone.
my poor girl, what have you done?