vassago

i dont even know how to describe my past week.... hell on earth comes sort of close.
aside from an unquenchable depression, i have managed to destroy the front end of my car in a 70 mph freeway collision.

i feel empty and weak and drained, like I no longer have anything supporting me.
there is something here that I am missing. And it really isn't the girl.
It is something else, something real, something with value.. something very elusivee.

More and more, I need my way out, but i dont want razors or drugs anymore?
what ever happened to a lot of sex and dancing to help balance out? Am I really that far gone that life's simplicities are out of reach?
maybe so... but I should still try.
I should still reach in and find that little scared boy lurking under the violence of my every day thoughts and feelings.
I should have a way to conquer and subjugate these spiritual beasts that have made me so ugly.

time to cut myself right the fuck open, shed these sick parts, and live again as something beautiful.
this thing, no matter what you want to take.

I want to make art again.. to enjoy to read great writing again, to make great writing again.. to scream you away and be my own GOD.