vassago

I don't feel so great right now... but what else is new, right?
I have to get going in a minute.. make it to the methadone clinic and then to school for a make up exam.

I have a million things to finish doing.

I don't know how any of you do it.. this whole living thing. I can hardly be awake without grabbing a razor. The thing is, I am COMPLETELY sick of feeling like this, day in and day out.. sad as fuck and trapped and lonely and old.... it is horrible.
Even in my dreams, I am always reliving the pain of my past. Las night, I saw my long lost Chris, and of course, I saw Kathleen. I also was breathing undewater.. because I had to hide.. long story.

Anyway, even while sleeping.. depressed and afraid. What the fuck am I supposed to do to get the fuck away from it?
I know S. and M. (heh.) both would love to help me out and all.. but they really dont understand just how bad it is for me..

I want to run away. I want to move somewhere or fall asleep forever or pass on or something. I'm just completely tired of feeling this bored and hateful and worn out, and Im not sure what to do about any of it.

I wish I had abandoned her.. maybe I would be stronger, more capable. I'm a lost cause. You can't do anything.. just enjoy what you can and pay attention as I slowly go away.

Time akine, my only semi-peace,