vassago

I sort of figured that when the summer came, It might go away. I thought I might have an easier time fighting my way out of this whole thing. Instead, this hellish depressio has somehow forced me to blink and miss half of my summer.
I am still hacking myself up on the bathroom floor.

I still don't have answers.
I still have nothing to look forward to.

It feels as if a dull, terrible, oppressive weight is bearing down on me. it wants my life to end. It pushes my illness on further, and I am made more a slave.
It has drained the once beautiful color out of everything and anything. Nothing helps me.
No sympathy lightens any of it, no face can cheer me.

I feel completely helpless. I feel as if there is no reason to even bother trying for anything any longer. It is as if my life ended last year.. like I have lived my best moments. Time to go OD in some corner, I guess.

And it is total BULLSHIT. Because I KNOW that beauty is out there somewhere. I know for sure that there is a way to know life with joy and love and without worry... and I am trapped in this misreable state and I cant find my way out.. and I fucking hate it.
I hate myself for not knowing how to be better, or how to feel better for even a few seconds.

I want a few seconds of the emotions of you. Im not kidding.
I would bleed for days to feel joy or peace or boredom...