"Blood is thickest when love is bold,
But blood runs thin when the heart grows cold"
- Vai "Down Deep Into The Pain"
Down With The Sickness
January 14, 2005, Friday, 12:15pm
I finally feel reasonably good. Two weeks of sickness was really starting to fuck with me. It's hard to keep a good attitude when your blood feels like molten lead. It kept me dragging my heels about everything so I've not been getting much done. My lack of productivity has been making me feel worthless which of course lead to depression. I hate feeling useless, especially when it trips up my new year momentum.
Like I said, though, I'm feeling good again and the past couple of weeks haven't been a total loss. I may have made a new friend and I did get a fair bit of work done despite being sick when I think about it. It just wasn't the work I was intending to get done.
Last night I got a fun surprise. Wyspurr and Rachael were napping on the couch and I was on the computer when there was a knock on the door. Lo and behold it was Tony, who was in town visiting. It was good to see him and I almost joined him going to see Mortician at the Masquerade. I ended up not having the energy for it and went with holierthancow to Elmyr instead.
I spent a little time talking with geckogirl on IM this morning. One day I'd like to have a conversation with her that doesn't end up with me grousing about my dissatisfying social life. It is getting to be a habit that's annoying even me. I have no valid reason to be that negative anyway.
I did kind of come to an epiphany about it, though. I realized what the real problem is and it is me. I'm the one not putting his foot forward enough. I've been playing things too safe, too guarded. That's why nobody gets me. How can they when I'm not being me? I've been doing the exact same thing I've been complaining about everyone else doing. I have been subconsciously distancing myself. I know why I've been doing it too. I just don't feel like writing about it right now. Suffice to say I don't want a repeat of 1998 and 1999.
Anyway, now that I know what the problem is maybe I can start coming out of my shell again. More importantly, maybe I can start being me again.
But blood runs thin when the heart grows cold"
- Vai "Down Deep Into The Pain"
Down With The Sickness
January 14, 2005, Friday, 12:15pm
I finally feel reasonably good. Two weeks of sickness was really starting to fuck with me. It's hard to keep a good attitude when your blood feels like molten lead. It kept me dragging my heels about everything so I've not been getting much done. My lack of productivity has been making me feel worthless which of course lead to depression. I hate feeling useless, especially when it trips up my new year momentum.
Like I said, though, I'm feeling good again and the past couple of weeks haven't been a total loss. I may have made a new friend and I did get a fair bit of work done despite being sick when I think about it. It just wasn't the work I was intending to get done.
Last night I got a fun surprise. Wyspurr and Rachael were napping on the couch and I was on the computer when there was a knock on the door. Lo and behold it was Tony, who was in town visiting. It was good to see him and I almost joined him going to see Mortician at the Masquerade. I ended up not having the energy for it and went with holierthancow to Elmyr instead.
I spent a little time talking with geckogirl on IM this morning. One day I'd like to have a conversation with her that doesn't end up with me grousing about my dissatisfying social life. It is getting to be a habit that's annoying even me. I have no valid reason to be that negative anyway.
I did kind of come to an epiphany about it, though. I realized what the real problem is and it is me. I'm the one not putting his foot forward enough. I've been playing things too safe, too guarded. That's why nobody gets me. How can they when I'm not being me? I've been doing the exact same thing I've been complaining about everyone else doing. I have been subconsciously distancing myself. I know why I've been doing it too. I just don't feel like writing about it right now. Suffice to say I don't want a repeat of 1998 and 1999.
Anyway, now that I know what the problem is maybe I can start coming out of my shell again. More importantly, maybe I can start being me again.