So, I'm feeling better than I was last night. I guess I just felt crappy because I kind of sat on my ass all night and did nothing. Anyhow, it's time to address an interesting topic in an entry. This is my age vs. how old I look.
As you know, I've been working in a school district as a sub this past year. Mainly...
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As you know, I've been working in a school district as a sub this past year. Mainly...
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Lonliness
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wildherb:
???????? 
supriseyouredead:
We should get tattooed together this week
so, I added some photos. yah. i know... try to contain your excitement.
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kelsi:
youre beautiful.
oxy:
those pics are really sweet
Just writing to let everyone know I'm still alive. I am getting over the flu. I spent friday night in the ER cause I was having trouble breathing. oodles of fun. really.
kreatinkaos:
Visits to the ER allways suck , I hope you're feeling better 
stasiss_levine:
uhh hun I am so sorry.. I hope you are feeling much better... I am sick with the flu myself ewww... no fun at all....
~MaryAnne 
~MaryAnne
Here's my live another life entry. If it comes out as a confusing jumble of words, that's because I'm sick.
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So, It's 11:37 right now and I still have only barely touched my physics homework. It's not that I'm lazy - I really want to get it done - I just can't concentrate right now.
It's Nikki (it usually is). I can't stop thinking...
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So, It's 11:37 right now and I still have only barely touched my physics homework. It's not that I'm lazy - I really want to get it done - I just can't concentrate right now.
It's Nikki (it usually is). I can't stop thinking...
Read More
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
sometimesaway:
wow. what a difficult and discouraging place to be.
the following is not my attempt to make you 'feel better' or to pacify you. i hate when people try to compare bo-bo's with me in an apparent effort to help me out.
however, i was struck by your frank honesty, and i wanted to share the same back with you. don't read it if you dont want to. i understand.
my first love and first kiss and first sex and first relationship were with the same girl. we were together for four years, and were thinking of getting married so we could stay together. this was in high school, and the first half of college.
she was coming from a terribly dysfunctional household, with rampant emotional and sometimes physical abuse. she was torn apart on a daily basis.
her mother was a very sick woman, who was also extremely clever and intelligent and therefore never diagnosed as anything but a suffering bride with too much to do. she was bipolar and overwhelmed by her inabiity to function in the family when the father was continually out in strip clubs and avoiding the family as much as possible.
a divorce ensued. a divorce that i stuck my noble little head in the middle of. i found myself responisible in many ways for the three children wrapped up in the whole affair. i boldly walked into every situation attempting to repair and condence everything with my seemingly enless naivety.
i was absurd, of course. i had no business in the middle of all that. i was a middle-class straight white kid from a functioning and loving family. granted, the fact that my parents were divorced provided some context, but it wasn't anything like her situation really. my mom had remaired a loving and kind man whom i called dad. my girlfriend, on the other hand, was completely fucked.
i began to grow so angry and upset with my parents for being so stable. i resented everything, especially my inability to help my girlfriend with anything she was going through. i felt impotent, useless, and childish. i started telling people that i was an orphan, or that i had a father who actively beat me. i created the worst life i could, so i didnt have to be embarrassed for coming from a happy situation.
my girlfriends mom eventually passed away in an apparent accident. it was tremendously hurtful to my girl, and just added onto so much of the burden she carried. she was in and out of care units and suicide watches.
we eventually broke up....but it took forever.
we couldnt break up, because i felt so responsible for her. i knew, in some part of my head, that we were terrible together, and growing worse by the day. but i was the only one who undestood fully what she had gone through. when anybody else met her, she had to explain from the beginning everything that had happened, what it all meant to her, and how it was going to go down from then on out...or just skip it and lie about her family.
we stayed together for an additional year, not because we were good together or enjoyed what we were doing for one another, but because we were the only ones that understood the special code for what we had both gone through together to get to that point. we honored that code. we fought for it, even though it turned out to be worth only what it had gotten us through, and nothing on it's own.
what i mean is....when the situation stabalized for her, we had nothing to share together anymore. when she got better, and i had fought so hard for her to get better, then we had no relationship anymore. our relationship had become "dealing with the girl"... and when she got better we had nothing.
i dont know much about your situation, and of course i can't help you. i can tell you that no personal code developed with another person is more important than the blinking lights inside your head that spell out your own individual sense of self. nobody's happiness is as important as yours is...even if that sounds evily republican.
nothing else to say except cliche's about love and truth. i wont tell you them.
i wish you the best, i really do.
adam
the following is not my attempt to make you 'feel better' or to pacify you. i hate when people try to compare bo-bo's with me in an apparent effort to help me out.
however, i was struck by your frank honesty, and i wanted to share the same back with you. don't read it if you dont want to. i understand.
my first love and first kiss and first sex and first relationship were with the same girl. we were together for four years, and were thinking of getting married so we could stay together. this was in high school, and the first half of college.
she was coming from a terribly dysfunctional household, with rampant emotional and sometimes physical abuse. she was torn apart on a daily basis.
her mother was a very sick woman, who was also extremely clever and intelligent and therefore never diagnosed as anything but a suffering bride with too much to do. she was bipolar and overwhelmed by her inabiity to function in the family when the father was continually out in strip clubs and avoiding the family as much as possible.
a divorce ensued. a divorce that i stuck my noble little head in the middle of. i found myself responisible in many ways for the three children wrapped up in the whole affair. i boldly walked into every situation attempting to repair and condence everything with my seemingly enless naivety.
i was absurd, of course. i had no business in the middle of all that. i was a middle-class straight white kid from a functioning and loving family. granted, the fact that my parents were divorced provided some context, but it wasn't anything like her situation really. my mom had remaired a loving and kind man whom i called dad. my girlfriend, on the other hand, was completely fucked.
i began to grow so angry and upset with my parents for being so stable. i resented everything, especially my inability to help my girlfriend with anything she was going through. i felt impotent, useless, and childish. i started telling people that i was an orphan, or that i had a father who actively beat me. i created the worst life i could, so i didnt have to be embarrassed for coming from a happy situation.
my girlfriends mom eventually passed away in an apparent accident. it was tremendously hurtful to my girl, and just added onto so much of the burden she carried. she was in and out of care units and suicide watches.
we eventually broke up....but it took forever.
we couldnt break up, because i felt so responsible for her. i knew, in some part of my head, that we were terrible together, and growing worse by the day. but i was the only one who undestood fully what she had gone through. when anybody else met her, she had to explain from the beginning everything that had happened, what it all meant to her, and how it was going to go down from then on out...or just skip it and lie about her family.
we stayed together for an additional year, not because we were good together or enjoyed what we were doing for one another, but because we were the only ones that understood the special code for what we had both gone through together to get to that point. we honored that code. we fought for it, even though it turned out to be worth only what it had gotten us through, and nothing on it's own.
what i mean is....when the situation stabalized for her, we had nothing to share together anymore. when she got better, and i had fought so hard for her to get better, then we had no relationship anymore. our relationship had become "dealing with the girl"... and when she got better we had nothing.
i dont know much about your situation, and of course i can't help you. i can tell you that no personal code developed with another person is more important than the blinking lights inside your head that spell out your own individual sense of self. nobody's happiness is as important as yours is...even if that sounds evily republican.
nothing else to say except cliche's about love and truth. i wont tell you them.
i wish you the best, i really do.
adam
oxy:
(huggles) thanks for joining in.
Hmmm...My mom was just on the phone with someone. Then brought my dad into their room and they left together. Then my dad came back and hasn't said whats up.
kreatinkaos:
It might be something simple 
So kids, after 4 weeks and a day of having brown hair, I decided it needed to be dyed. I went with black, a color which I actually hadn't done yet. It came out a really cool shade that's black with blue highlights. I took some pictures, but can't post them till my computer is fixed (I've been using other peoples). so yah. that's that.
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sometimesaway:
ohh.. can't wait for pics! sweet.
i shaved my head a little while ago....i still look a bit funny. my big ears poke out like fins. fun.
i shaved my head a little while ago....i still look a bit funny. my big ears poke out like fins. fun.
evilandyroth:
Black?!?! (sweet!) is mah favrit colar! ...
I can hardly wait to see the awsomeness that will be arriving [soon]!
I can hardly wait to see the awsomeness that will be arriving [soon]!
I would like to take a moment to thank my History of Rock and Roll professor for not showing up to class today.
Yes, I have a sunday morning class, and no, I didn't get home til 3:30 last night.
Yes, I have a sunday morning class, and no, I didn't get home til 3:30 last night.
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oxy:
awww thank you.
You cant really see the hair in the pic...it looks a lot better in real life
You cant really see the hair in the pic...it looks a lot better in real life
kreatinkaos:
A Sunday morning class has to be rough
So, I made the cupcakes and the icing. Tomorrow, the decorating will begin. I am waaaay too lazy to do it right now.
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vampiresquirrel:
::hand hecklong tree the spoon::
enjoy - its vanilla almond
enjoy - its vanilla almond
stasiss_levine:
huggs
huggsBad news: I'm not making muffins
Good news: I'm making cupcakes! Which are like muffins. Only sweeter. And chocolatier. And have yummy frosting and sprinkes.
So, heres the deal, I'm decorating the cupcakes. If you want one decorated for you, post a comment. (c'mon this'll give me something to waste precious minutes of my life on...)
Good news: I'm making cupcakes! Which are like muffins. Only sweeter. And chocolatier. And have yummy frosting and sprinkes.
So, heres the deal, I'm decorating the cupcakes. If you want one decorated for you, post a comment. (c'mon this'll give me something to waste precious minutes of my life on...)
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vampiresquirrel:
of course ^_^
sometimesaway:
oh..oh
please do me a cupcake with a big
GOOF
on it.
i love the word GOOF. always have.
please do me a cupcake with a big
GOOF
on it.
i love the word GOOF. always have.
~MaryAnne