vampirate

I have developed tendonitis in my forearms, wrists, and hands. I bought my first bottle of Aleve (see footnote 1) yesterday morning. This majorly sucks ass for me, because my favorite things to do (in order of preference) are:

1) eat pussy
2) play guitar
3) play drums
4) finger bang
5) futz about on the computer
6) masturbate (see footnote 2)

You will notice that fully five out of six of these are activities that are made more difficult (and possibly painful) by and will exacerbate my tendonitis, and therefore should be avoided. While I am fortunate that my absolute favorite activity is the one not affected by my condition, there is no possible way that I could spend all the time I would otherwise spend on those other five things doing the first thing. I do read, but holding cheap paperbacks open far enough to see all the print is even a bit strenuous on my pathetic digits, and I'm generally too poor to afford hardbacks. (Also, if you hadn't noticed, I really do like to play the damn guitar.)

On an unrelated and slightly more positive note, I have been uncharacteristically acne free lately, and it's about motherfucking time. I've been no longer a teenager for how long now? Seven and a half years? I certainly haven't been youthfully energetic for at least ten. Life is so unfair.

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1. You know, the arthritis pain reliever for old people.
2. And, I am not ashamed to say, sometimes I even do #5 and #6 in conjunction (see footnote 3).
3. Okay, maybe I am a little ashamed to admit that.