In a Globe and Mail article from last Saturday, Dr. David Matlock asserts that he is a vaginal "artist," resculpting women's naughty bits to look like those of their favourite porn stars and allegedly enhancing the sexual pleasure of horny housewives.
He hones new techniques on animal parts--chicken thighs, turkey legs and pig's ears--until he is ready to work on women.
Last I checked, women were not anatomically similar to either swine or fowl, and as the article mentions "the question of why women seek plastic surgery for an area of their bodies that few people--including themselves--ever really see is hotly debated." Presumably the women shelling out between $3,800 and $38,000 for Matlock's procedures don't mind having vaginas that resemble pig entrails or spicy buffalo wings.
If that weren't enough, does anyone really want to have a man known as the "Picasso of vaginas" hard at work on her nether regions? While his earlier works may have featured subjects with all of their anatomical parts in the correct positions, Picasso is best known for his cubist refiguring of the human form. God only knows where your labia might end up once Dr. Matlock gets a hold of it. And don't even get me started on Matlock's geriatric detective namesake.
"There's a need for this," Dr. Matlock spuriously claims. "Women are driving this. I didn't create this market, the market was there."
That's funny... the same article notes that Dr. Matlock created the buzz for Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation(TM) by taking out an ad in the paper which featured his then-girlfriend modelling in a swimsuit. The trademarked LVR procedure can be licensed for a mere $2,500 per month by licensed physicians, though it remains unclear to this reporter why a trademark would be necessary for a market the good doctor never lifted a finger to create.
