A friend invited me to join her tonight at 10 at the Cock and Bull. Apparently her friend's band is playing. I have no idea whether they're any good, but I was promised free beer. She's also been trying to get me to go for weeks, so I guess I should go. I mean, if you don't support other people, then they won't support you, as a friend's friend threatened recently.
I think SA is annoyed that I told his story to Josey Vogels. Or that it won first prize in a 'worst sex story ever' contest. Is there no one out there reading Josey's column that has had to go to the hospital for sex? Surely my story cannot be the worst sex story ever.
In fact, kaff told me one that was way funnier. She says a friend's parents, who are truly Quebecois and hardly speak English, went someplace in the States on their honeymoon. Unfortunately for them, when the humping was through, the condom was stuck inside her. So they went to the hospital, knowing barely any English and having no idea how the US medical system works. When they approached the counter, the nurse didn't even have time to ask them their names before the woman cried out, 'ConDOM! Inside!!' and pointed to her nether regions.
Maybe it's funnier if you tell it out loud with a bad Quebecois accent.
Anyway, as the editor of a sex mag, I should have way more embarrassing/horrible sex incidents to discuss. But if you want sheer volume of 'getting caught while fucking' stories, kaff is the clear winner in that department.
I guess I am of the opinion that nothing that happens to you can really be so horrible that you can't laugh about it, at some point. So telling people your embarrassing stories helps you to come to terms with them and, ultimately, find a way to laugh at them.
Here's another funny one: I'm sitting in a caf next to the window, and as I was writing this I chanced to look up and see a couple crossing the street. It was my ex and his new girlfriend. I just laughed, cus weird shit has been happening to me all summer, and because seeing them together didn't bother me at all. There they go. So what?
I think SA is annoyed that I told his story to Josey Vogels. Or that it won first prize in a 'worst sex story ever' contest. Is there no one out there reading Josey's column that has had to go to the hospital for sex? Surely my story cannot be the worst sex story ever.
In fact, kaff told me one that was way funnier. She says a friend's parents, who are truly Quebecois and hardly speak English, went someplace in the States on their honeymoon. Unfortunately for them, when the humping was through, the condom was stuck inside her. So they went to the hospital, knowing barely any English and having no idea how the US medical system works. When they approached the counter, the nurse didn't even have time to ask them their names before the woman cried out, 'ConDOM! Inside!!' and pointed to her nether regions.
Maybe it's funnier if you tell it out loud with a bad Quebecois accent.
Anyway, as the editor of a sex mag, I should have way more embarrassing/horrible sex incidents to discuss. But if you want sheer volume of 'getting caught while fucking' stories, kaff is the clear winner in that department.
I guess I am of the opinion that nothing that happens to you can really be so horrible that you can't laugh about it, at some point. So telling people your embarrassing stories helps you to come to terms with them and, ultimately, find a way to laugh at them.
Here's another funny one: I'm sitting in a caf next to the window, and as I was writing this I chanced to look up and see a couple crossing the street. It was my ex and his new girlfriend. I just laughed, cus weird shit has been happening to me all summer, and because seeing them together didn't bother me at all. There they go. So what?
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Many moons ago, this friend was working as a dispatcher for a security firm when a call came in to replace two guards who were the only people guarding a somewhat important suite of offices. One of the guards was injured and his cohort joined him at the hospital.
Panic! Calls like this dont come in often and they usually mean BAD news. Did someone break into the building and tussle with one of the guards? Did one of their weapons go off by accident?
After a few hours, the dispatcher learned the full story from the replacement guards that were sent to the scene:
While doing their rounds, one of the guards discovered a box of discarded fluorescent tubing.
So, after spending about 45 minutes playing Star Wars, and using the tubes as light sabers, these guards decided to come up with other uses for these lights.
Thats when one of the guards suggested: I wonder how far up my ass you can stick one of these things?
His partner obliged.
But unfortunately rectal muscles are quite powerful and the tube was very fragile. The fluorescent light shattered in his colon, exploding glass everywhere, and requiring him to be rushed to hospital.
[Edited on Jul 10, 2005 5:58AM]
[Edited on Jul 10, 2005 5:58AM]