once upon a time.....
from what i can remember as a child, i was very outgoing. you would see my smiling face glow like the sun. my eyes were as bright as the stars on a moonless night. i would talk to anyone. it didn't matter who you were.
i remember allot of things from when i was a child. anything from taking a picture of the wall with my mom's polaroid camera when i was around 3-ish, to watching the spiderman tv show that used real actors and wasn't a cartoon and the incredible hulk. i remember our kitchen with a pot of beans on the stove. going to the landlord's house that was in front of ours. the house was on the little side street next to the first baptist church in stockbridge on hwy 138. i remember my dad's friend owning a mexican restaurant that was somewhere in the area of the a&w/captain d's. i was small enough to walk under the counter and go steal chips that where just done cooking. i remember my grandparent's dog sunny. he was a collie. looked just like lassie. i remember my mom's second husband coming over before they got together. we moved around allot. i got a new dad, two stepbrothers and a stepsister. things were good for a while and then we left when i was around nine.
we moved in with my mom's mom. she met another guy. i thought he was really cool. some bad shit happened and we had to move out. somewhere along the way, things went bad. they started going bad after we left her second husband actually. i was getting into trouble at school more and more. shortly after that i was sent to live with my dad. i rarely saw my mom after that. the new guy didn't feel like dealing with me. i was alright for a while.
then something happened again. i'm not really sure what. i became angry, sad and afraid. i felt abandoned and alone. i no longer really trusted anyone. i thought most people hated me. so, i decided to hate them first. i despised my life and pretty much anybody that i thought had a better one than i did. i was jealous. i had a severe feeling of inferiority.
the more the years past, the deeper the roots grew and it has consumed me to this day.
it's caused allot of problems in my life. destroyed quite a few relationships. i never thought i had a problem.
i always that was just how i was. that was me. you like me or you don't.
something happened recently that kind of opened my eyes enough to see through the haze that has clouded my mind for so long.
today, i finally decided to get help. i'm tired of feeling this way. i'm tired of the pain that i've caused myself and others along the way. it's time to figure out what the hell is going on, what the issues are and how to resolve them so that i can live my life and not be held prisoner to the past.
this is something that has to be done. i have to fix myself before i can do anything else.
i kind of miss being this little guy...
from what i can remember as a child, i was very outgoing. you would see my smiling face glow like the sun. my eyes were as bright as the stars on a moonless night. i would talk to anyone. it didn't matter who you were.
i remember allot of things from when i was a child. anything from taking a picture of the wall with my mom's polaroid camera when i was around 3-ish, to watching the spiderman tv show that used real actors and wasn't a cartoon and the incredible hulk. i remember our kitchen with a pot of beans on the stove. going to the landlord's house that was in front of ours. the house was on the little side street next to the first baptist church in stockbridge on hwy 138. i remember my dad's friend owning a mexican restaurant that was somewhere in the area of the a&w/captain d's. i was small enough to walk under the counter and go steal chips that where just done cooking. i remember my grandparent's dog sunny. he was a collie. looked just like lassie. i remember my mom's second husband coming over before they got together. we moved around allot. i got a new dad, two stepbrothers and a stepsister. things were good for a while and then we left when i was around nine.
we moved in with my mom's mom. she met another guy. i thought he was really cool. some bad shit happened and we had to move out. somewhere along the way, things went bad. they started going bad after we left her second husband actually. i was getting into trouble at school more and more. shortly after that i was sent to live with my dad. i rarely saw my mom after that. the new guy didn't feel like dealing with me. i was alright for a while.
then something happened again. i'm not really sure what. i became angry, sad and afraid. i felt abandoned and alone. i no longer really trusted anyone. i thought most people hated me. so, i decided to hate them first. i despised my life and pretty much anybody that i thought had a better one than i did. i was jealous. i had a severe feeling of inferiority.
the more the years past, the deeper the roots grew and it has consumed me to this day.
it's caused allot of problems in my life. destroyed quite a few relationships. i never thought i had a problem.
i always that was just how i was. that was me. you like me or you don't.
something happened recently that kind of opened my eyes enough to see through the haze that has clouded my mind for so long.
today, i finally decided to get help. i'm tired of feeling this way. i'm tired of the pain that i've caused myself and others along the way. it's time to figure out what the hell is going on, what the issues are and how to resolve them so that i can live my life and not be held prisoner to the past.
this is something that has to be done. i have to fix myself before i can do anything else.
i kind of miss being this little guy...
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
I'm glad to be back. I've been through some pretty dark times myself recently.
Hope everything is going good with you!!!