unravled

So...it's almost my birthday.

I'll be entering my late twenties. In some people that would lead to introspection and deep thought about one's place in the world.

But not me. Instead I'll just list all the cool fucking stuff I've gotten so far:

me: i'm pretty sure birthday blowjobs are an exception to the no cheating rule.

J: i wish I had known that a couple years ago
shit... I'm single

me: why? did you get one?

J: i got a wireless blowjob

me: and then got broken up with?

J: my penis is bluetooth and wi-fi equipped

me: so your penis is a complete entertainment experience, basically?...
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Paris Hilton's album drops today. Can there be any doubt that it is timed to coincide with my upcoming birthday so perfectly because it is destiny that I own it? That it will live in a special place in my heart and on my shelf next to such classics as Bring It On, and Trapped in the Closet? That I must own it?...
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Just got home from a lovely, thankfully uneventful weekend in San Diego to find my dog rolling around in cat shit out in the driveway. This means she somehow got out of the house or yard (thanks to our oblivious roommate most likely) and could have been anywhere if she hadn't had that wonderful cat shit to distract her. This is the third time something...
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Weeds starts tonight! So excited!

In other news, we've got a wedding to go to in five days and I haven't booked a hotel, bought a present, or found anything to wear.

Yeah, I've got priorities.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you wake up to:

Believe it or not,
George isn't at home,
Please leave a message at the beep.
I must be out, or I'd pick up the phone,
Where could I be?
Believe it or not, I'm not home.

stuck in your head for no particular reason.


In other news, twenty shopping days left...
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So tired. We got home after 1AM last night. I have to be at work in 45 minutes. I need a vacation to recover from my vacation. It's times like these I think quitting the job I've been at for four years would be worth it just so I could o back to bed.

Fuck, I need a vacation.

Everybody look at MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!


Oh, sorry, I thought I was in chat for a minute.

I'm too hot to be interesting right now, so just pretend I've said something witty/emo/funny/personal here and comment on that.

Are you there God? It's me, unravled.

I need to make a deal with you. If you give me central air conditioning right now, I swear to, well, You, that I'll never ask for anything again, ever.